Honey I Shrunk the Kids' Pool

I took this photo at the Buffalo & Erie County Botanical Gardens recently, and there's something about it that I just love. For awhile I was unable to put my finger on exactly what I like so much about it. Then it hit me. It looks like it could be a swimming pool for the kids in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!

Statue of Perseus

I was really surprised when I saw the statue of Perseus with the Head of Medusa at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that it didn't look anything like Harry Hamlin. The sculptor never saw Clash of the Titans?! Did he live under a rock?

Sons of Bitches, Bumpasses!

I have felt like screaming this, my favorite curse, from the classic movie A Christmas Story, a lot this week. I work at a church, and it's Holy Week so we're busy; I've been plagued with computer problems (hence the lack of new material on this blog); my checking account was down to $0.02 before payday; and I'm dreading turning the Big 3-0 on Tuesday. Then I come to find out that the director of A Christmas Story (Robert Clark) was killed this week. My first thought was 'Soap poisoning?' But no, it was a car accident. He's up with that big leg lamp in the sky. Rest in peace.

(Sorry for the short post with no graphic-- I'm on a borrowed computer and short on time.)

Christina's Excellent 80's Movie Adventure

I love the 1989 classic movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (I'm allowed to, I grew up in the '80's). But I was thinking today that if a telephone booth from the future appeared on my tree lawn, I wouldn't be so boring as to go back in time and bring back real people. I would instead dial my time booth to '80's movies and bring a wide array of the decade's greatest characters to the stage of San Dimas High.

The emcee would, of course, be Carol Anne from Poltergeist to announce that "They're Heeere..." Michael J. Fox would get everyone in a party mood as Teen Wolf. Maybe he'd shoot some hoops or surf on top of a van to a little "Surfin' USA". Then we'd have a live aquatic show from Daryl Hannah as the mermaid "Madison" in Splash, followed by "Wax On, Wax Off" lessons from Mr. Miyagi of the Karate Kid (I and II, but we'll ignore III for it's obvious "Bogus!"-ness). Kim Cattrall as "Emmy" from Mannequin would do a little fashion show for us, and we would conclude with Maverick, Goose, Ice-Man and Slider recreating the volleyball scene from Top Gun.

I can picture it all in my mind and it's an A+ for sure.

"May I say that you smell really special?"

"It must be my new shampoo."

"That's no shampoo. It's more...like a brand new automobile."

This dialogue exchange is from the 1950 classic Sunset Blvd. starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson. The first time I heard it I burst out laughing. If I told someone that they smell "really special", chances are it wouldn't be a romantic moment. (In fact, maybe that's what I'll say to Matthew McConaughey if I ever meet him without his deodorant!) Furthermore, if some guy told me that I had that "new car smell", I would go home and shower, throw out the perfume I was wearing, and wash all my clothes. I know we all love "that new car smell", but as a woman I don't strive to emulate that scent. In fact, here's a whole list of things that may smell fantastic, but none of them are anything that we women want our perfume to be compared to:

• Pizza hot from the oven
• A pint of Guinness with a still-frothy head
• Paris (I could "go there" with the French, but I'll refrain)
• A steak right off the grill
• Cuban Cigars
• Freshly mowed grass
• A lit match
• Homemade spaghetti sauce
• White Out
• Leather
• Puppy breath
• Roasted peanuts

Just to name a few...

Meatloaf, Smeatloaf, Double Beetloaf

Oh, yes, it really is the most wonderful time of the year--24 hours of A Christmas Story begins tonight at 8:00 PM on TBS or TNT or one of Ted Turner's "T" channels. If you happen to wonder what I'll be doing from 8:00 PM Christmas Eve through 8:00 PM Christmas Day, chances are I will be sitting in a recliner next to my Dad laughing about Bumpass hounds, Red Rider BB guns, and frozen tongues. Oh, and this is just gravy, but I'll be in Cleveland where the movie was actually filmed. It's like visiting hallowed ground!

"Sons of bitches! Bumpasses!" is my favorite line. I own real Bumpass hounds. Reagan and Lulu go out in the backyard and torture my neighbors (who I hate, so it gives me great joy). I even have a Bumpass-looking fence that's all leaning and missing slats of wood. I'll post a picture sometime with my Bumpass hounds posing nearby.

Anyway, I must sign off and begin my travels to the Christmas Story holyland. Merry Christmas, and don't shoot your eye out.

Later that day...

I've arrived at the holyland. Only 17 minutes left in the countdown. I feel like Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie secret decoder badge.

In the comment section, my Papa John's-loving twin and/or new best friend has questioned my Christmas Story knowledge. I'll address it here. It is true that parts of the movie (namely the school scenes) were filmed in Toronto. But the house is here in Cleveland (in fact it's now a museum), and the opening and shopping scenes are in Downtown Cleveland. The Terminal Tower is shown at the very beginning. Also, the wooden escaltor that is shown at the department store and the row of chandeliers seen while Ralphie's in line for Santa--that's Dillard's in downtown Cleveland. It was Higbee's at the time of filming. I've been there a million times.

OK, time to start watching. Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!

I thought Wil Wheaton was dead, but apparently he's not

Oops, my bad. Well, Wil's been resurrected here on Reigning Frog's Blog. Welcome back, Wil! But I have to ask, why do you spell your name with only one "L"? It's kind of irritating for me and my spellcheck. Daring to be different?

Seriously, why did I think he was dead? Who am I confusing him with? Not River Phoenix, I know that. What the deuce?! Maybe I am losing it.

Anyway, since this is no longer a eulogy I will share that I had a crush on Wil and Sean Astin when they starred together in 1991's Toy Soldiers. I was 14, I had a crush on everybody in 1991.

I thought I was the only one...

Last night at Robin's birthday party I was talking to a fellow blogger. We decided that we're new best friends, or long lost brother and sister who look nothing alike, or something like that due to eery similarities in our likes and hatred of certain pizza (go Papa John's!), movies (I'll say it: "Eff Harry Potter"), department stores (Dillards rules!) and The Brady Bunch (a ridiculously entertaining show). So today I give a shout out to my blog buddy "Mr. Blob."

He already took care of posting our shared beliefs on the beauty of Papa John's pizza with it's unique garlic butter sauce today. So I will blog about our shared beliefs of despising British "Humour" (oh yeah, I went there with that whacky British spelling).

OK, so here starts my rant. I have a college degree. I have a decent amount of life experience. I partake in most normal societal practices. I am not a clueless or unintelligent person. So I say this with thoughtful sincerity: I hate British humor.

Humor!? There's nothing humorous about it! I don't get it! Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, Monty Python...I hate them all. They're so "lettuce"! They are as bad as the lettuce under a big plate of "fish & chips" soaked in vinegar.

I have sincerely tried to watch them and to understand them, but I find them simply intolerable. For years I've pretended to be entertained while others laughed themselves into cardiac arrest over coconuts and stupid walks. But today I'm coming clean. I hate British humor and I'm not ashamed to say it, for there is at least one other like me. Thank you, Mr. Blob, for helping me clear the air on this issue.

Can't Sleep

I've been trying to fall asleep for the last hour. I need to wake up early tomorrow, so it just figures that I can't fall asleep.

I don't do well without sleep. I get cranky. I need my beauty rest. This sucks.

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I know what I'll do! I'll think of the movie The Age of Innocence starring Daniel Day-Lewis and Michelle Pfeiffer. (BTW, why does Daniel Day hyphenate his name like he's a progressive woman?)

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I have a strange love/hate relationship with this movie. I find parts of it intolerably boring, yet I always get sucked into watching it if it's on TV. And it never fails to make me fall asleep. In fact, I don't quite really understand the movie, and this falling asleep thing could be a reason why. Or it could be that it really is just a boring movie. Yeah, that's what it is, it's just a really boring movie.

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I think it's working, so I'm going to bed now. Good night.

"Home Crap Home"

One of my favorite sayings from one of my favorite movies, 1986's The Money Pit. Also, it sums up how I feel after taking a much needed vacation. I always feel that way when returning from a trip. It doesn't matter where I've been, whom I've seen, or how badly I've needed to get away; I'm just always so damn glad to be back home. I guess it's because I really like my life in Buffalo. I love the city, my friends, my job, my life. My family is close enough in Cleveland that I can see them whenever I want. And I truly do need vacations to rest and appreciate all I have. But when I return, I can't help but say each time "Home Crap Home."

Superman's Cape

Back around Halloween I noticed all these children running around in inappropriate Superman costumes. They all had that stupid burgundy-brown cape instead of the one true red cape worn by real Supermen for decades. I don't like Earth-Hue Superman; I like Primary Color Superman. Blue, Yellow and RED; it keeps things simple. Plus, down the road, if I ever have kids, I don't want to hear them say, "My Mom is so old that Superman's cape was still red when she was little."

My biggest fear

This picture so completely freaks me out. I can't even explain how much this terrifies me. I know it's photoshopped, but this is seriously my worst fear. I love to swim, particularly in pools. But this strange thing happens when I'm swimming alone where I hear the chilling theme song from Jaws in my mind and irrationally convince myself that a shark who can withstand chlorine is eyeing me for dinner. I wonder what Freud would have to say about that?

Well, I have to throw some pop culture into this to divert my attention, so here's some random Jaws facts for you.

• The mechanical shark used in Jaws was named "Bruce" by the cast and crew.
• Jaws is considered the first "Summer Blockbuster" and started the trend now so ingrained in our culture.
• Jaws was nominated for 4 Academy Awards and won three (Best Sound, Best Original Score and Best Film Editing)
• Charleton Heston was rejected for the role of "Chief Brody" (played by Roy Schieder). It was the cause of bad blood between Heston and Steven Spielberg, each of whom vowed never to work with the other.
• The Brody's cocker spaniel (barely seen in the movie, and not the black lab "Pippet" who was presumed to be eaten by the shark) was actually Steven Spielberg's dog in real life.

My blog is nothing if not educational.

Care instructions for Mogwai

Just thinking about the fantastic 80s movie Gremlins. In case you happen to adopt a mogwai from petfinder.com or a local shelter near you, it's very important that you remember these three care instructions:

1. Keep them away from bright light, particularly sunlight.

2. No baths! You mustn't get a mogwai wet. (So no need to worry about not using Pantene on your male mogwai).

3. And most importantly, never ever feed them after midnight, not even Mighty Taco.

I would also add these rules:

4. Don't name your mogwai "Gizmo." It's a little unoriginal. I think "Cha Cha" for a female and "Clyde" for a male are much better.

5. Don't play any Justin Timberlake songs or your mogwai just might hum them to you.

6. Don't let your mogwai wear a dental grill. It may fight you because they like to be trendy with mohawks and stuff.

Also, help control the pet population and have your mogwai spayed or neutered.

Rocky 6000

I'm not making this up. There is another Rocky movie coming out on Christmas Day. I love Rock, but if Rocky V was overdoing it, how is VI going to help? Stallone is being sly (Ba-zing to that pun!) with disguising the fact that it's a sequal to the third power. It's entitled Rocky Balboa. See? Sounds like it could be a pre-quel, or even a whole new, mildly-related thing. The movie poster even looks a little retro. But no, it's numero seis. I think Sly just knows that the average person can't count to 6 in Roman numerals so he gave it a simpler name.
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I will say that, even if it means there will be a Rocky VII where Sly hangs up his walker to step back in the ring, I so hope that Rock doesn't go all Apollo on us. No one wants to see their hero die in the ring, especially one who solidified the Iron Curtain for a few extra years. (If you haven't seen Rocky IV then don't even try to understand this paragraph. Furthermore, if you haven't seen Rocky IV, do yourself a favor and check it out. There are very credible arguments that it is the best Rocky of all.)

For all your shopping needs

www.80stees.com
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Need I say more?
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Why are you still reading this? Go there now!

Biltmore than Aaron Spelling

Something made me think of the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC today. It's America's largest home. Even larger than Aaron Spelling's impressive 56,550 square foot crib. I've been to Biltmore a couple times, and it is absolutely breathtaking. Here are some stats on it (I LOVE this stuff!):

• The house itself consists of four acres (175,000 square feet!)
• 250 rooms
• 65 fireplaces
• over 60 staff rooms
• 43 bathrooms
• 35 bedrooms
• 3 kitchens
• an indoor pool
• a bowling alley

AND, portions of one of my favorite movies, The Last of the Mohicans, were filmed there.

Beats your mom's gift wrapping room, Tori Spelling!

Movie Music: Talking Timbuktu

Since this post is about music, I'm going to do a little VH1 Pop-up Video thing here. I enjoyed the movie Unfaithful when it was out a few years ago. Diane Lane’s performance was quite fantastic.

Richard Gere’s performance in the movie was also very good. He was a believable character, and I think ultimately a moral one.

Lane's love interest, played by Oliver Martinez, was well cast. I've not seen him in anything else, but I would if I had the chance.

There’s a song in Unfaithful that I really enjoyed. It’s an African blues song, and it plays in the movie first when Diane Lane and Oliver Martinez dance in his apartment, and again when Diane is taking a bath at home and Richard Gere joins her.

I bought the Unfaithful soundtrack assuming this song would be on there, but it wasn’t. With a little help from this miracle we call the Internet, I found the song I wanted. It is called "Ai Du", and it is on the album Talking Timbuktu by Ali Farka Toure with Ry Cooder.

So now you know; and knowing is half the battle.

Somebody put Baby in a corner

Whoa! Where has this picture been? Just when you think you know a movie!


I have seen Dirty Dancing probably, oh, 856 times in addition to the E! True Hollywood Story and ultimate edition DVD features and I have never seen this image from the movie.

Johnny & Baby did have good on-screen chemistry, I will say that. Remember how Keds were all the rage after this movie? Good times, the 80s. Good times.

The Best Movies to Watch on a Sick Day

Here's a list of movies that are as good for a cold as chicken soup and NyQuil*:

Clue
Uncle Buck
A Few Good Men
Young Sherlock Holmes
National Treasure
The Great Muppet Caper
Roll Bounce
Flashdance
Casino
Fried Green Tomatoes
Baby Boom
Wuthering Heights (the Laurence Olivier version ONLY)
Vice Versa
Pretty Woman
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

Amendments:
Back to the Future (thank you reader Agus)
Crocodile Dundee (I intended to put that in all along)

*These movies have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

2 "Lettuce" Bond Girls

I'm not a guy, so I can analyze this topic logically. Bond girls are legendary. The key to casting a good one is to catch her at just the right time in her career. She must have made an initial appearance on the big screen, but she can't be too well-known. Attention to the initial appearance is fine, but she must still have an element of mystique.

On that note, I need to vent about the two worst casting mishaps in all of Bond Girl Christendom, and they both happened during Pierce's reign. Teri Hatcher and Denise Richards. Owl eyes and neanderthal foreheads aren't sought after features for a Bond Girl.

I will give props, though, to Sophie Marceau. Excellent choice at the right time.

I can say with certainty that Catherine Zeta-Jones would have been a great choice, perhaps one of the best Bond Girls ever if she had been cast between Mask of Zorro and Entrapment. Now it's too late.

But back to Teri Hatcher and the other one-- they weren't real, and they weren't spectacular.