Saturday, August 18, 2007

A Hashbrown is Forever

I have previously posted my love for McDonald’s hash browns, and I’m doing it again because they are just that good. It occurred to me recently while I was feasting on this delicious crunchiness that the quality of a hashbrown, much like diamonds, can be measured by 4 C’s. But rather than cut, color, clarity and carat, the hashbrown’s 4 C’s are: Crunchiness, Cholesterol, Count and Comfort.

Crunchiness \kren-chē-nes\
Calculated by the amount of time spent in the deep fryer, plus the the amount of time sitting under the french fry lamp, multiplied by the amount of time it takes for the McEmployee to put it in a take-out bag.

Cholesterol \ke-'les-te-rōl\
Measured as the residual grease soaked up by the hashbrown while in the deep fryer.

Count \kaunt\
Cannot be less than two per person unless accompanied by a breakfast sandwich.

Comfort \'kem(p)-fert\
transitive verb
The level of satisfaction received from each bite, measured in Mmm's.

To conclude, McDonald's hashbrowns are delicious. In my lifetime, I'm sure I will have spent at least two month's salary on them.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Was Hercules the inspiration for Mike Brady's perm?

I spent some time in the Big Apple and snapped this pic at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's new Greek and Roman Exhibit. To me it seems obvious that the sculptor's interpretation of a virile, authoritative male was revived in the 1970's when Mike Brady's hair became so curly that it got its own dressing room and place in the credits.
Now let's take a moment to examine this work of art. Notice how his locks were individually carved, yet skillfully blend together, creating the helmet-like effect of a warrior (I'm talking about Mike). Take a moment to notice the detail... Can you imagine the countless hours it took to complete the piece? (Again, talking about Mike.) I think that by taking a moment observe the details, we can truly begin to understand why art is so precious.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Old School Telephone Numbers

Once upon a time, in a century far far away, a very smart man invented something called the "telephone machine." At first, like the later "mechanical television," naysayers said "It's a fad," and continued to use carrier pigeons. But eventually the telephone machine caught on, and is obviously here to stay.

Early telephone numbers were only five digits (unlike the standard ten of today). Words were used to identify the first two digits to help people remember the number. A famous example is the great Elizabeth Taylor movie, "BUtterfield 8." BU8, or 288, was a Manhattan exchange. I remember being so confused as a kid when my parents would recall their childhood phone numbers because this "BUtterfield" system was long-gone in the '80's. But I also felt like I had missed out on an important piece of useless history. So today I am reinventing the alpha-numeric phone number-- this time for area codes and with a pop culture twist. If you live in any of the following cities, check out my new way to say your area code.

Buffalo (716): "7, Sixteen Candles"
Cleveland (216): "21 Jumpstreet, 6"
Detroit (313): "thirtysomething, 3"
DC (202): "BOno, 2"
NYC (646): "6, HOosiers"
Houston (281): "28 Days, 1"
Boca Raton (954): "Nine to Five, 4"
Baton Rouge (225): "2, KAzaam"