Saturday, August 18, 2007

A Hashbrown is Forever

I have previously posted my love for McDonald’s hash browns, and I’m doing it again because they are just that good. It occurred to me recently while I was feasting on this delicious crunchiness that the quality of a hashbrown, much like diamonds, can be measured by 4 C’s. But rather than cut, color, clarity and carat, the hashbrown’s 4 C’s are: Crunchiness, Cholesterol, Count and Comfort.

Crunchiness \kren-chē-nes\
Calculated by the amount of time spent in the deep fryer, plus the the amount of time sitting under the french fry lamp, multiplied by the amount of time it takes for the McEmployee to put it in a take-out bag.

Cholesterol \ke-'les-te-rōl\
Measured as the residual grease soaked up by the hashbrown while in the deep fryer.

Count \kaunt\
Cannot be less than two per person unless accompanied by a breakfast sandwich.

Comfort \'kem(p)-fert\
transitive verb
The level of satisfaction received from each bite, measured in Mmm's.

To conclude, McDonald's hashbrowns are delicious. In my lifetime, I'm sure I will have spent at least two month's salary on them.


t2ed said...

You know it's a going to be a good brown when the paper wrapper turns clear from all the residual grease.

And don't forget the ketchup. One packet for each brown. And you've got to smear it around a little with your finger.

Man I'm hungry now. Damn.

ex-nuke bubblehead said...


ex-nuke bubblehead said...

I think this one beats the $400 toilet seat hands-down!

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