9:15 AM - Weep uncontrollably with Jeff Conaway
12:00 Noon - Lunch with a round of "Guess the Baldwin Brother" (Will it be Daniel or Stephen joining me? I can't wait to find out!)
1:00 PM - Massage with my soon-to-be-pal Heather Locklear (Jack Wagner is my special guest star masseuse!)
2:00 PM - Gossip session with Kirsten Dunst (She'll be teaching people how to kiss upside down, be pale, and smoke.)
3:00 PM - Scarf-Microphone dancing lessons, courtesy of Steven Tyler
4:00 PM - Eva Mendes will present "Why I am Famous"
5:00 PM - Early bird dinner with Dennis Hopper, followed by bus driving lessons
6:00 PM - Sneak peak at the pilot episode of the new reality series, "The Even Couple" starring Amy Winehouse and Jeff Conaway
7:00 PM - Sext message seminar by Lindsay Lohan-- a great way to add romance to any fake lesbian relationship
8:00 PM - A game of spin the (non-alcoholic) bottle with the two Coreys
9:00 PM - Optional head shaving, care of Britney Spears
10:00 PM - Lights Out
10:01 PM - Leave rehab and head to Vegas
I'll be sure to post some pics!