Thursday, May 31, 2007

My one true love

I am guilty of betrayal, and, to make matters worse, it is my one true love whom I have been betraying. It makes me sad; he's been so good to me through the years. I can't remember a time when he hasn't been in my life. He's brought me joy during the good times, and, when life got rough, I only made it through because of him. What kind of person can I be to betray my love this way?

Who is my love, and how have I been betraying him? Well, his name is Television, and I have been completely neglecting him. Since Christmas, my lying eyes have been focusing on other things-- a new boyfriend, hanging out with friends, visiting family, reading!, blogging and web surfing, spending time with my pets...the list is endless. How could I be so thoughtless?
I've missed no opportunity to hurt him. On Valentine's Day, when I had a snow day and we could have spent the whole day together, what did I do? I went to the grocery store and spent all day preparing a nice meal for my Valentine. How could I hurt my love that way? My behavior has only worsened as he's worked harder and harder to win back my affections. During May Sweeps, the most important time of year for him, I didn't see him at all, and I didn't even send my Ti-Vo for moral support. At this point, the only thing we have left between us is The Sopranos, and with only two episodes left, I'm afraid our future is uncertain. I never thought I would see this day. The guilt is killing me, and I just don't know where to go from here. I'm sorry, my love, I never meant to hurt you.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No, she didn't-- she couldn't have...

Caption: Rachael Smith, Miss USA 2007, falls during the evening gowns competition of the Miss Universe 2007 beauty pageant in Mexico City. Click here to see it on YouTube.

The very first lesson of Beauty Pageants 101 is "Don't fall during the evening gown competition." (Why did it have to be Miss USA?!)
When the only thing you have to do for a living is walk, you won't get much sympathy for falling. But I wonder how it happened. Was she out with Lindsay Ho-Han the night before?

Monday, May 28, 2007

Buffalo's Beautiful Botanicals

With a goal to do nothing but enjoy my time off this weekend, I spent part of today at the Buffalo & Erie County Botanical Gardens. I enjoyed it tremendously! But, of course, rather than bettering myself by learning about the beautiful flora surrounding me, I saw pop culture everywhere. Case in point, the Bonsai Garden. Karate Kid fans should see where this is going. Here's a picture I took today of a beautiful bonsai tree, with some comments from Danielson added for your enjoyment.

Then I saw a huge Chia Pet-looking plant, and the only thing going through my mind was:

All in all, I had a GREAT time! More pictures are on my new Flickr page (if you're interested).

Friday, May 25, 2007

I Dream of Jeannie's Barbie

Check out this I Dream of Jeannie Barbie doll. I kind of really really want this. Jeannie is still THE BEST television show to watch on a sick day. The only thing that makes it better is if it's followed by an episode of Bewitched (with the first Darrin, of course). When I was little I liked to think of things I'd do if I could blink and make them happen. It usually involved not doing homework. Today I would use those powers a little differently. Here's a few things I'd be sure to do:

  • Turn slow drivers into potted plants alongside the road.
  • Blink a magic spell over my house so that it was perfectly clean and could never get dirty again.
  • Make it so that my pets never pooped or peed.
  • Walk around in an invisible bubble in the summer, complete with A/C, so that no bugs could bother me.
  • Make pizza a fat-free food.
  • Blink some deodorant onto Matthew McConaughey.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Unnecessary stress in my life

I try to take vitamins, I really do, but they really stress me out. First of all, the recommended dosages vary by as much as a zillion milligrams based on what you read or who you talk to. Then, there's the directions on the bottle-- aahhh! Take 30 pills three times daily; don't take more than 1 pill in a 24 hour period; take with a meal; take with dairy; don't take before bed; take with a full glass of water; take while standing on one leg and count prime numbers-- I can't take it!

It's enough for me to remember to take the thing, I don't have the time or motivation to pay attention to what I take it with or what my stomach is up to when I do. End result? I end up not taking my vitamins, which I know is not good. But that's the way I roll when something stresses me. [sigh]

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Not your childhood coloring book

Feeling a little nostalgic for my youth, I decided to make a coloring book. But instead of My Little Ponies, Strawberry Shortcake, or Disney characters, my coloring book is of washed up celebrities. Here we have Britney glowing in the aftermath of shaving her head; Paris wallowing in the news of her jail sentence, and Lindsay Ho-Han post-rehab. For this coloring book, don't worry whether or not your keep it between the lines-- these celebrities let that horse out of the barn years ago. Enjoy!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Fried Corn

What would a trip to Texas be without eating "chicken-fried" something? Un-authentic, that's what. So tonight I ate dinner at The Black-eyed Pea. I know it's a chain, but since there are no locations north of the Mason-Dixon Line, I felt like an authentic cowgirl eating there. I decided to go for a full heart attack meal, and ordered chicken-fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy and fried corn. "Fried corn!?" you say. Yes, fried corn, and I wasn't quite sure what it was either.

Here's a picture of fried corn. It was pretty good, but I decided that given a choice of breading or butter on my corn, I'll take wonderful, delicious butter. Nonetheless, I'm totally not sorry that I tried fried corn-- after all, you only live once.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Dermot McDermott-- oops, I mean Dylan Mulroney

I'll be damned-- I guess it's true that you learn something new every day. I just figured out, yet kind of also knew, that Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott are two different people. I tend to think of them as one. I don't know why. Maybe it's because they have the same initials, or that both their names are Irish sounding, or that the word "Dermot" is somewhere in both names. They kind of look alike, I guess. When I try to narrow it down with questions like, "Which one starred in a movie with Julia Roberts?" I get more confused, because the answer is "Both of them." The funny thing is, now that I've made this discovery, I'm more confused than ever about which is which. Weird how that happens.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Lulu's cousin

Greetings from Dallas, TX! I'm visiting my favorite aunt and uncle, and this is their dog, Bridget. Bridget is Lulu's cousin. Today marks one year that I've had Lulu, and Bridget sends her love from Dallas to Buffalo. Happy Birthday, Lulu!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Spirit Soap

Circa 1990 there was a new bar soap on the market that I discovered via free sample in the mail. (That may have been when my beauty product addiction began.) That free, tiny sample of light blue bar soap was called “Spirit,” and it had the most awesome scent I had ever savored as far as soap goes. I remember using that miniature soap bar until the entire thing literally dissolved. I loved it so much that I nagged my Mom to buy me a few regularly-sized bars of Spirit, which I continued to use with glee.
Then one day, circa 1991, Spirit soap was suddenly gone from the shelves. I was so sad, and today I still wonder what happened to Spirit soap. Even Google doesn't know. Did it fail in market tests? Was it the product of a De Lorean-esque soap company? I don’t know, but to this day I still long for the fresh scent of Spirit soap. Even with the extreme amount of choices in soap nowadays, I’ve never found one even close to the scent of Spirit. R.I.P. Spirit soap—I miss you…

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Moose Home Security

I was at a friend's house recently and noticed as I was exiting through the front door that he has a home security system, and that it's provided by Moose Home Security. Yes, Moose. Moose? ("Moosen" for you Brian Regan fans out there, but I digress...) I have to say, Moose is not the first word--or animal for that matter-- that I think of when I think "home security." In fact, I see no relation at all between the words "moose," "home" and "security." It's kind of like if there were a "snake"-brand running shoe, or a "peacock"-brand shampoo-- the mascot doesn't quite fit the product. I just had to say that, because it's been on my mind. Now I feel better.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Warm weather skin care

As Memorial Day approaches, and the white clothes come out of storage, the time is upon you to hibernate your normal facial moisturizer and plan for summer. The Great Lakes area (where I live) can be particularly humid in the summer; I don't do well with it. Last year I finally discovered the perfect summer moisturizer to deal with humidity: Origins Matte Scientist. This wonderful little bottle is filled with a magic potion that offers the delicate skin on your face the perfect amount of moisturization without leaving it oily-- and manages to cool your skin at the same time! Seriously, it cools your skin. I love it! This is a highly recommended beauty product for summer.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Adults say the darndest things sometimes, too!

Following up to my last post, I am equally amused when adults mispronounce words and are completely oblivious to it. Here are some of my favorite tongue twisters that people have said to me:
Ache-shpeare = Shakespeare
ivy-profin = ibuprofen
Global warNing = Global warming
caseedro = gazebo
spina beefia = spina bifida
Goggle = Google
Neo-sporum = Neosporin
Epileppy = Epilepsy
Tex'Em Hold'Em = Texas Hold'em (poker)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Kids really do say the darndest things!

Bill Cosby hit the nail on the head with that one. I've known a lot of kids through babysitting and procreating family members. I love when kids mispronounce words in really cute ways. Here's a list of some of my favorites that I've encountered first hand:

"pine corn" = pine cone
"gubble gum" = bubble gum
"stunk ache" = stomach ache
"Cartoon Neckwork" = Cartoon Network
"Abber cadaver" = Abracadabra
"dengle floss" = dental floss
"Do you repeat me?" = "Do you read me?" (while playing on walkie-talkies)
"Rimanda" = my cat, "Miranda"
"For real life?" = "For real?"
"shubble" = shovel
"heads or birds" = heads or tails (when playing with a quarter)

Friday, May 4, 2007

Ever the Runner-up

In the world of artificial flavors, strawberry seems to always take the crown for being offered as a variety (think Pop Tarts, NesQuik...get the idea?). I like strawberries, but I'm not a huge fan of strawberry "flavoring." I would prefer cherry, but strawberry always wins out and poor cherry is left in the background as the runner-up.
I'd like to see cherry launch a flavor campaign to takeover some of strawberry's territories. I want cherries everywhere-- FrankenCherry, Cherry Shortcake, cherry bubblegum-- cherry to completely replace strawberry. That's what I want in my little world.

Thursday, May 3, 2007


NyQuil, the daytime/nighttime/all-the-time coughing, hacking, choking, gagging, sniffling, suffocating, wheezing, so-Christina-can-still-go-to-work-'cause-she's-used-all-her-sick-days-being-sick-3-times-this-year-already medicine.