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www.80stees.com
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Why are you still reading this? Go there now!

The Real Jaws

Crikey! This picture is of a "flying" Great White shark. This breaching phenomenon happens exclusively amongst the Whites off the coast of Capetown in South Africa. Sharks fascinate me. I'm totally terrified of them; in fact I think I may have been eaten by one in a former life I'm so scared of them. Nonetheless I love them, and this picture. It's always like Christmas in July for me when Shark Week airs on the Discovery Channel each summer. I never miss it.

Puuurrrrr

www.fabulousfurs.com!

OK, this may be the greatest website in this history of online commerce. I'll take 1 of everything please!

I feel like I could find a use for these legwarmers. Wishlist!

Very seriously, I may not be able to live the rest of my life unless I someday own one of these masks.

I cannot stop looking at this website...

"Friends Don't Let Friends Go to Hell"

A friend of mine recently pondered aloud that she wondered whatever happened to Kirk Cameron who played "Mike Seaver" on the 80's sit-com Growing Pains. She pondered in front of the right person, because I happen to know what Kirk's up to these days, and it's a little scary. He's definitely jumped the couch in my opinion. I'm not going to explain, I am merely going to quote an excerpt from Kirk's website, www.wayofthemaster.com, and let you decide for yourself.

First, I offer a disclaimer that I myself am a practicing Christian of strong faith. I'm not knocking him for being religious. I just can't help but feel that Kirk and I are on opposite teams. I'll leave it at that.

From Kirk Cameron's website:
"...I asked a friend what he thought would happen to him when he died. He believed he was going to heaven. He smoked, he cursed, and he partied, but said that between him and his identical twin brother, he was the "good twin." I liked his sense of humor. ...I knew that if I simply offered this guy a "new life" policy, he likely would have turned it down -- because he was already living the good life. Instead, I did what Jesus did and stirred his curiosity about how God would deal with his sin on Judgment Day. I told him that 'friends don't let friends go to hell.' I then walked him through the Ten Commandments to help him see how he had sinned against God and desperately needed His forgiveness. When I sensed that he was feeling conviction, I shared the good news that Jesus came to save him from sin and its consequences. He could then see the incredible love God had shown him in sending Jesus to die for him on the cross. ...So if we want to bring this kind of "new life" to those we love, we must do it biblically or risk losing them forever. If we genuinely care about others, we must strive to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and preach the one and only, true gospel. ...Make sure you bring the knowledge of sin by opening up the Commandments like Jesus did (in Mark 10, Luke 18, etc.) and remind sinners of the Day of Judgment when every person will have to give an account of his life to God. Let godly fear "work repentance" and the good news of the gospel bring them to saving faith in Jesus Christ. If you've never led someone you love to the Savior, please let us help you. ...Do it today, because friends don't let friends go to hell. "

To conclude, I don't think he's friends with "Boner" anymore.

Biltmore than Aaron Spelling

Something made me think of the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC today. It's America's largest home. Even larger than Aaron Spelling's impressive 56,550 square foot crib. I've been to Biltmore a couple times, and it is absolutely breathtaking. Here are some stats on it (I LOVE this stuff!):

• The house itself consists of four acres (175,000 square feet!)
• 250 rooms
• 65 fireplaces
• over 60 staff rooms
• 43 bathrooms
• 35 bedrooms
• 3 kitchens
• an indoor pool
• a bowling alley

AND, portions of one of my favorite movies, The Last of the Mohicans, were filmed there.

Beats your mom's gift wrapping room, Tori Spelling!

Three Weddings and a wedding funeral

Newsflash: Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock to Divorce. This is hot off the press, and it's somewhat of a surprise to me. I knew it would happen, just not so soon. Wedding #1 only happened on July 29 and #3 was on August 17.

Kind of makes me sad. For reasons beyond my own comprehension I actually really like both Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. I liked them together too.

How messed up do you think her kids are going to be? Between their Tommy Lee DNA, their 90210 names (Brandon and Dylan), and a mom would spends more time naked than clothed, what chance do they have? I can picture the title of their first porn movie now: Mötley Scrüe.

Movie Music: Talking Timbuktu

Since this post is about music, I'm going to do a little VH1 Pop-up Video thing here. I enjoyed the movie Unfaithful when it was out a few years ago. Diane Lane’s performance was quite fantastic.

Richard Gere’s performance in the movie was also very good. He was a believable character, and I think ultimately a moral one.

Lane's love interest, played by Oliver Martinez, was well cast. I've not seen him in anything else, but I would if I had the chance.

There’s a song in Unfaithful that I really enjoyed. It’s an African blues song, and it plays in the movie first when Diane Lane and Oliver Martinez dance in his apartment, and again when Diane is taking a bath at home and Richard Gere joins her.

I bought the Unfaithful soundtrack assuming this song would be on there, but it wasn’t. With a little help from this miracle we call the Internet, I found the song I wanted. It is called "Ai Du", and it is on the album Talking Timbuktu by Ali Farka Toure with Ry Cooder.

So now you know; and knowing is half the battle.

Somebody put Baby in a corner

Whoa! Where has this picture been? Just when you think you know a movie!


I have seen Dirty Dancing probably, oh, 856 times in addition to the E! True Hollywood Story and ultimate edition DVD features and I have never seen this image from the movie.

Johnny & Baby did have good on-screen chemistry, I will say that. Remember how Keds were all the rage after this movie? Good times, the 80s. Good times.

Dollar Tree stores are worth all hundred cents

Dollar Tree, the melodious place where you could buy 1,000 items for $1,000. I think I really could find 1,000 items that I’d like to buy at Dollar Tree. I love it that much. Dollar Tree has helped me to affordably build my shampoo collection to include many scents of V05. Go V05 Tea Therapy trio! In addition to shampoo and bath products, there are the journals, stationery and pens; ahh, the beauty of them all.

Oh, and here’s a little secret you may not know. Dollar Tree is hands down the best place to buy gift wrapping supplies. They have an awesome selection of tissue paper, decorative bags, ribbons— the works! Then there are the wine glasses. Hand painted all the way from China and a steal at just one dollar!

Oh, the places you’ll go and the things you’ll see at Dollar Tree. Check it out this shopping season.

A handy use for shampoo (other than for washing your hair)

I tested a little trick today that I read about in a magazine recently. I handwashed my pantyhose in the sink with shampoo. Strange? Yes. But it worked well, so I’m going to give it my shampoo seal of approval. I personally used Flex balsam & protein because of it's fresh, clean scent. But I imagine you could use any shampoo.

Men, you could even do this with your dress socks if you're in a bind. (Just don't use Pantene.)

Bringin’ Home the Bacon

I saw Kevin Bacon in a Hanes commercial with…Michael Jordan? I don’t quite see the connection unless Kevin is trying to make it so that there’s no more than five degrees of separation between him and all famous people. Maybe he is, because this Bacon/Jordan pairing does make for a whole new lightening round for the Kevin Bacon “Six Degrees of Separation” game. Check it out.

Phil Jackson coached Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Previously would have been: Phil Jackson coached Dennis Rodman who dated Madonna who was married to Sean Penn who appeared in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 4. That Hanes commercial cuts those degrees of separation in half!

And here’s a whole world we just couldn’t get into before:

Hakim Olajuwon played in the NBA the same time as Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Bugs Bunny starred in Space Jam with Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Joe Ganote of the Tennessee Smokies played minor league baseball against Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Who is Joe Ganote? I don’t know, but he has a Bacon number of 2 now.

A story about the time my dog locked me out of the car

One time I was traveling from Buffalo to Cleveland and stopped at Old Exit 7 in Erie, PA for gas. I was driving a Ford Explorer with my trusty dog Reagan in the back. At first everything was cool; pump operating, tank filling. I was almost done, then suddenly Reagan jumped from the hatch to the back seat to the front seat, proceeded to stomp on the power lock button, and LOCKED ME OUT OF THE CAR. Yes, my own dog locked me out of the car with my keys, purse and phone inside. Then he sat there in the driver’s seat barking, mocking me.

I had to call a locksmith and wait awhile, and the whole time Reagan sat in the driver’s seat staring at me. At one point I got so desperate I tried to get him to jump on the lock again to open the doors. But even if he knew how to do it he wouldn’t have. Because that’s the way Reagan rolls.

Here is the face he makes when he plays "fetch," which is really more like "hoard." He's daring me to try to get the ball. I never do.

“Hooray for Corn Soufflé”

I’m flattered that that is a direct quote about the quick and easy sidedish I made for Thanksgiving. So I share the recipe with you now for your own enjoyment.

Ingredients:
1 stick butter, melted and cooled to room temperature
1 egg
1 can cream-style corn
1 can whole corn, drained
1 box Jiffy cornbread mix
2/3 cup milk
1 cup sour cream
Optional:
1 teaspoon sugar

In a microwave safe mixing bowl, melt butter in microwave and allow to cool to room temperature (or I guess, melt it on low power without letting it get too hot—that’s what I did when short on time). Beat egg into melted, room temp butter. Add all other ingredients except sugar, stir well. Pour into a greased 9x13 pan and sprinkle sugar on top (optional). Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes, or until done. You can tell if it’s done by inserting a toothpick into the center; if it comes out clean, it’s done. Let sit for 5 minutes and serve. Feeds 4-6. This recipe can be easily doubled to feed 10-12, just use a deeper baking dish and bake longer.

Martha Stewart "Living" is for the Dead

I read an issue of Martha Stewart Living recently. Hmmm. Let me see, how can I put this... It's not that I didn't think the magazine wasn't fantastic, or that my home couldn't greatly benefit from Martha's billion-dollar ideas; it's just that, well, I have a job, and a life with family and friends, and I need to sleep and eat and drive places, so I just don't have time to wash old sweaters and sew the shrunken wool into stuffed dog toys, baby gifts and Christmas ornaments. It's a very good idea, as you can see, and I'll add it to my to-do list, but there are simply some things that I need to do ahead of that. Like about 106,117 things.

Before I sew old wool into gifts, I had really better have published a novel, patented a few inventions and remodeled my home.

Maybe after I learn Aramaic I'll get right on the shrunken wool. By then I'll be dead, but I can make heaven more beautiful with woolen crafts. I've got some old white sweaters I'll hang on to.

Fight Night: Miranda vs. Lulu

My little dog, Lulu, and one of my two females cats (Miranda) have been getting into what look's like little boxing matches over their various turfs. They're quite humorous, actually. But before one of them gets hurt I may need to have one big fight to let them duke it out once and for all. It could be something like this...

Michael Buffer: "In this corner, in the pink trunks--weighing a solid 9 pounds-- defending her marrow bone collection, it's Miss Lulu "Woof Woof" Trachtenberg.

And sleeping in this corning, weighing a pudgy 10 pounds with no trunks, defending her right to sleep on Mom's bed, it's Miss Miranda "Tic Tac" Trachtenberg."

"The rules are, no scratching, biting, or tail pulling. Each round will last 30 seconds and the winner of each round will get a treat. And now, LET'S... GET...READY...TO RRRRUUUMBLLLLLE!"

My orange cat, Timmy would, be in the crowd with a sign reading "Cats Rule, Dogs Drool!" Reagan, my big dog, would use it as an opportunity to steal Lulu's bone collection. It would be a hoot. I just hope neither pulled a Tyson and the other lost an ear.

R.I.P. JFK

Today marks the 43rd anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Not that I was alive at the time, but I have a theory that JFK and his wife Jackie O. were the first First couple to bring the American presidency into pop culture. So to that, and for all that they symbolize in American history, I salute both of them today.

PS - As a Republican I have a theory that the Democratic JFK of 1960-1963 would have been a Republican today. I know that's Kennedy blasphemy, but it's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

The Storm that will live in Infamy

Just a nature shot of my street on October 13, 2006 after a freak snowstorm hit Buffalo while all the leaves were still on the trees.

My life wasn't affected that much. I just had no power, or heat, or security system, or Internet, or cable, or food, or sleep, or sanity for 111 1/2 hours. Other than that I was fine.

Rainbow Bright's Tights

I love funky socks. I was thrilled when I found Rainbow Bright's thigh highs during Halloween. Now, I know that Rainbow Bright was animated, so technically they should be Rainbow Bright-inspired thigh highs (since it would be a little hard to sell tights to humans that were exactly like hers, being two-dimensional and all). But anyhoo, I'm wearing these today under jeans and not only are my legs warm, but they are very fashionable.

Garbage Pail Nightmare

I forgot to take my garbage tote to the curb last night, so by this time next week I'm going to be swimming in trash like a Garbage Pail Kid. When I heard the truck on my street this morning I was still sleeping, and at that time I was in my comfy Karen Neuburger nightgown under two down quilts with two sleeping dogs and three sleeping cats surrounding me-- garbage didn't seem like a big deal at the time. A few hours later, I'm seeing it a little differently.

But it did inspire me to blog about the trashtastic 80's phenomenon called Garbage Pail Kids. I wasn't too into them, but I do acknowledge their significance in pop culture. (Was it just me, or was that the worst stick of gum ever that came with them? Ick!)

In addition to piling garbage, I've had laundry piling up this week. Unless I deal with it this weekend, I'll be able to launch a new series of cards called "Washbasket People." This would be the first card inspired by me.

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Shampoo Review: Pantene Ice! Nice!

Pantene Ice is a fine product that does what is says. From Pantene.com:

Shampoo:
Transform dull, lifeless hair into gorgeous hair. The clear formulation of NEW Ice Shine Shampoo gently cleans to remove dirt, oil, sebum (not sure what that is, but I guess I don't want it in my hair) and styling products, increasing the purity of the hair's surface, to better allow light to penetrate the clear cuticle to the inner cortex of each strand. (Cortex, that's a very serious word).

Conditioner:
NEW Ice Shine Conditioner contains high levels of silicones to smooth the hair’s surface—almost polishing it. (This has been my experience. It's like polishing silver-- well, except, my hair's not silver, it's brown-- but you get the idea.) Helps create the appearance of uniform strands, so hair fibers more effectively lie next to each other and create a smooth, glossy surface.

I give this product two combs up, and a scrunchie! (But remember, men, Pantene Ice may be shiny enough for a man, but it's made for women. Sorry.)

Check Out My Autographed Picture of Elizabeth Taylor!

This weekend I attended a charity event for a local AIDS organization. I won this framed picture of Elizabeth Taylor in a raffle. I'm so excited!

You may notice the large diamond on her left hand. Liz has some infamous jewels. This particular ring is the famous "Krupp Diamond." The stone weighs 33.19 carats! However, this is not the largest diamond Liz has owned, if you can believe it. There was also the 69.42 carat Taylor-Burton diamond. She no longer owns this stone, having sold it to help pay for her sixth husband's (but seventh marriage--it's kind of (but not exactly) like counting presidencies and how Cleveland served two non-consecutive terms), Sen. John Warner (R-VA), political campaign in the 1970's.

Some sources mistakenly report that she sold the Taylor-Burton diamond to build a hospital in Africa. That is false. She sold a rare perfect pink diamond (I think it was around 10 carats) to build a hospital in Africa just after she married Richard Burton for the second time. The hospital ended up being eaten by the jungle, and Liz to this day regrets selling the pink diamond. She also regrets selling the Taylor-Burton diamond, but she doesn't elaborate on her reasons why. Probably the whole failed marriage to Warner thing, but I'm just spit-balling.

Ahhh, Lavendar Roses

Just an image of one of my favorite flowers so that Teri Hatcher's airbrushed face isn't the first thing on this page.

I need to clarify again...I am truly not knocking Teri. I just find something so wrong with that Clairol ad, and quite frankly that picture just bugs me. So I'd rather look at these roses.

Mis-Advertising

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Have you seen this ad in print?! It's Teri Hatcher for Clairol hair color. Whoever edited it must have had to upgrade his/her version of PhotoShop to make Teri Hatcher's skin look so smooth. On TV she has more lines on her face than a college-ruled notebook. And I don't mean to knock Teri. I am really not saying she's old or unattractive. It's just that this is such a misrepresentation of her face. It would be like airbrushing Al Pacino to appear in an Abercrombie & Fitch ad.
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See, it just doesn't work!

BTW, what was up with Teri Hatcher making out with Ryan Seacrest awhile ago? That was a jump the couch moment for both of them!

The Best Movies to Watch on a Sick Day

Here's a list of movies that are as good for a cold as chicken soup and NyQuil*:

Clue
Uncle Buck
A Few Good Men
Young Sherlock Holmes
National Treasure
The Great Muppet Caper
Roll Bounce
Flashdance
Casino
Fried Green Tomatoes
Baby Boom
Wuthering Heights (the Laurence Olivier version ONLY)
Vice Versa
Pretty Woman
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

Amendments:
Back to the Future (thank you reader Agus)
Crocodile Dundee (I intended to put that in all along)

*These movies have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

I'm Just Not Crazy About Shrimp, That's All

As far as seafood goes, I think shrimp is very overrated. I would not give Bubba Gump much business. And I love seafood. Money aside, if I chose my favorite seafood items, they would be:

1. Lobster (of course)


2. Crab (obviously)


3. Crawfish. Yes, crawfish.

In fact, I'd like to see crawfish substitute for the ever popular shrimp. Shrimp's reign has lasted long enough.

Sorry, Red Lobster. I won't be coming to any of your all-you-can-eat Shrimp Feasts anytime soon.

2 "Lettuce" Bond Girls

I'm not a guy, so I can analyze this topic logically. Bond girls are legendary. The key to casting a good one is to catch her at just the right time in her career. She must have made an initial appearance on the big screen, but she can't be too well-known. Attention to the initial appearance is fine, but she must still have an element of mystique.

On that note, I need to vent about the two worst casting mishaps in all of Bond Girl Christendom, and they both happened during Pierce's reign. Teri Hatcher and Denise Richards. Owl eyes and neanderthal foreheads aren't sought after features for a Bond Girl.

I will give props, though, to Sophie Marceau. Excellent choice at the right time.

I can say with certainty that Catherine Zeta-Jones would have been a great choice, perhaps one of the best Bond Girls ever if she had been cast between Mask of Zorro and Entrapment. Now it's too late.

But back to Teri Hatcher and the other one-- they weren't real, and they weren't spectacular.

Pantene Pro-V shampoo is NOT for men!

As a shampoo connaisseur I have a statement to make. Pantene hair products are not intended to be used by men. I'm sorry, guys, they're just not. It would be like buying your underwear at Victoria's Secret. Now, I understand the temptation to use it with all those pro-vitamins and stuff. But no.

I think the best solution is for Pantene to come out with a men's line. Then all would be right with the world.

True or False: Fran Drescher had a small role in the movie "Grease"

False! But she DID have a small role in Saturday Night Fever. Who was she? Connie. Still wondering who she was? She was the woman in the green dress at the disco who asked John Travolta to dance. She was really bad and as soon as “You Should Be Dancin’” hit the turntable, he flung her aside and moved on to create one of the best cinematic dance sequences ever.

My Cell Phone is a Snore

I have the world’s most boring cell phone. I'll go so far as to say it's "lettuce." I am growing to hate it exponentially each day. I have no cool ring tones, can’t send text messages, can’t take pictures, can’t have Matthew McConoughey as my wallpaper— it’s a disgrace to modern technology! The other day I went to my provider’s web site to download a new ring tone. After much deliberation I was excited to spend a mere $2.50 to end my misery by purchasing the main theme from Jaws as my ring tone. (Yes, that scary cello sound. You know how you hear it in your head whenever you’re alone in a swimming pool? That’s how I feel when my phone rings because I hate talking on the phone). But Jaws didn’t get sent to my cell phone. There was an “error.” Blast!

I don’t know if it’s my provider, my contract, my phone, or just me. All I know is that my phone is boring, and I want something more exciting for all the money I pay to be accessible 24/7. Once my contract is up at the end of this month victory shall be mine, and when I get a call I will feel like I’m swimming in the ocean along the coast of Amity Island.

By the way (for those of you that don't know me), that is not a photo of me. It's merely a stock clipart image that accurately portrays my feelings.

I H8 Lettuce!

I hate lettuce, particularly iceberg. What a waste of atoms. One day at work while discussing lunch options I mentioned to a co-worker that I hate lettuce. He replied very matter of factly “Yeah, lettuce is stupid.” I couldn’t agree more.

Since then it’s been a running joke to use the word “lettuce” as a substitute for something that sucks. Lots of things are “lettuce.” Bank fees...Monday mornings...telemarketer phone calls...car dealer commercials (HUGEly lettuce)...parking tickets...traffic...torn grocery bags...a broken fingernail...dirty dishes...alarm clocks...power outages...taxes…nosey neighbors…dropped cell phone calls...coffee stains…flat tires…drycleaning prices…airport security…tolls…close talkers…public bathrooms…Flavor Flav’s reality show— all lettuce!