My Cell Phone is a Snore

I have the world’s most boring cell phone. I'll go so far as to say it's "lettuce." I am growing to hate it exponentially each day. I have no cool ring tones, can’t send text messages, can’t take pictures, can’t have Matthew McConoughey as my wallpaper— it’s a disgrace to modern technology! The other day I went to my provider’s web site to download a new ring tone. After much deliberation I was excited to spend a mere $2.50 to end my misery by purchasing the main theme from Jaws as my ring tone. (Yes, that scary cello sound. You know how you hear it in your head whenever you’re alone in a swimming pool? That’s how I feel when my phone rings because I hate talking on the phone). But Jaws didn’t get sent to my cell phone. There was an “error.” Blast!

I don’t know if it’s my provider, my contract, my phone, or just me. All I know is that my phone is boring, and I want something more exciting for all the money I pay to be accessible 24/7. Once my contract is up at the end of this month victory shall be mine, and when I get a call I will feel like I’m swimming in the ocean along the coast of Amity Island.

By the way (for those of you that don't know me), that is not a photo of me. It's merely a stock clipart image that accurately portrays my feelings.