Lulu's New Head Shots

Lulu has a couple of new head shots from her modeling agency. If you'd like an autographed copy please send Snausages to Buffalo, NY. Please allow 6 weeks for delivery, as her summer schedule is quite booked.

Overboard

I just don't see the need to market American Idol via deodorant. And this is coming from someone who still hoards items from Jessica Simpson's now defunct Dessert beauty line.

Goin' to the Wax Chapel

Loni Anderson is getting married to someone she met when she was a teenager. If you're like me, you could care less. But it reminded me of her beyond-saga of a divorce from Burt Reynolds.
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Ah, here's a photo of Burt & Loni in all their 1988 newly-wedded bliss... Who would have guessed that this marriage would fail when the bride and groom look like they stepped out of Madame Tussauds wax museum?



I heard a rumor that problems started between the couple as early as the reception when Loni wanted Burt to throw his toupee instead of her garter. But you know how these Hollywood rumors go. It's probably all true...
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Lip Service

This is a highly recommended beauty product by me: Mary Kay's Satin Lips Lip Mask. I'm a big fan of beauty products that are masks (face masks, hair masks-- just not the Jim Carrey Mask).

But I recommend this product with a warning. Should you ever buy this, or any other Mary Kay product, you will need to go through a Mary Kay sales rep. And then you will need to enter the Mark Kay Purchase Protection Program and live under an assumed name for the rest of your life. But for as soft as your lips feel after using this, it might just be worth moving to a new town so that your sales rep can be one step closer to a pink Ford Escort.

Scurvy

The following is an excerpt from an actual email conversation between me and my Best Blog Friend Forever (BBFF):

RF: Scurvy. I know it's a disease, but it's a word that sums up how I feel when I see [Amy Winehouse's] pics lately.

BBFF: I think the term you're looking for is "skeevy."

RF: No, I really mean "scurvy." I feel like I need vitamins after looking at her.

BBFF: I feel like I need penicillin.

Fun with Pictures

Check out this photo I found of Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear from their 1986 wedding. (If I didn't just tell you that they were married in 1986, wouldn't you have guessed it anyway?)

Other than the obvious, several things made me laugh about this photo, and I thought we could have a little fun examining this photo in depth. For example, check this out...

Maybe he's born with it, or maybe it's Maybelline, but I think a good rule of thumb is that the groom should not wear more makeup than the bride. Call me old-fashioned.

And then there's this:

Heather's dress reminds me so much of the one the Linda Kozlowski wore in Crocodile Dundee that I had to wonder if they were cut from the same cloth? (...Or lack there of?)

And lastly, look closely at Tommy's jeans near Heather's foot. Do you see what I see (and what everyone else saw on the Internet thanks to Pam Anderson?)

Now, I can't be sure. It could just be a shadow, but from what we know about Tommy the "skinny jeans" fad was probably pretty revealing. Let's see if we can catch a closer look:

And there you have it, today's Fun with Pictures!

Pink Panther on Velvet

Feast your eyes on this photo of an actual piece of artwork outside the lavatory of a restaurant that I recently patronized. It is a masterpiece!

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While it gives me great pleasure to share this photo with the world on my meager blog, I cannot emphasize enough that this photo in no way does justice to this magnificent display of a toilet scene captured on velvet.

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Several things stood out to me as I was lucky enough to view the piece in person. Not only is the Pink Panther smoking while he takes a poo (seemingly hungover), he also grasps his tail with gumption. And gumption he will need to reach the toilet paper inconvieniently located behind the tank. To me this seemed to symbolize the challenges that panthers of pink color face every day-- especially when they are hungover.

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Observe the panther's pot belly, in spite of his slim physique. Does this not seem like a commentary on man's struggle to find balance between protein and carbs-- a battle which no one will ever win.

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Let your eyes gaze lower. Notice the missing velvet in the lower left corner? Some viewer was obviously as taken as I, and cut a piece for his or her own pleasure. How could he not?

In fact, I shan't even disclose the location of the restaurant in which this hangs. What structure could possibly hold the certain stampede of viewers that would rush to see this truly awesome art?

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I hope that you will enjoy gazing at this masterpiece as much as I did.

Turtle Park by the Light of Day

In my hometown of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, there is a park where I used to play as a little girl. It's called "Turtle Park" because of the giant turtle in the sandbox where I built my sandcastles. Turtle Park had it's own 15 minutes of fame in the spring of 1986 when Michael J. Fox was in town filming a little-known movie called "Light of Day."

The movie barely saw the light of day, and I've always suspected that it was because Joan Jett performed the main title. (The producers should have used '80's soundtrack mogul Kenny Loggins if they wanted a hit movie.)

But anyway, here's a recent picture of Turtle Park. I can still picture Michael J. Fox sitting there near the giant turtle.

Pass the Coppertone

Lulu is in her bikini and ready for summer. We have it on good faith that she's sure to be the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue this year.

The Divorce-ipation of Mimi

I don't have much faith that Mariah Carey's marriage to Nick Cannon is going to last. Does that make my cynical? Gosh, I really hate to be cynical about celebrities. After all, they're people too! Oh, I don't know... I don't think I'm being cynical, but I better look at all the facts before I jump to any conclusions.


Let's look at all the evidence that would support M & N having a long lasting union. That means we'll have to ignore Glitter, her emotional breakdown, the fact that she has a name for her "true inner self--" but that's OK, we'll just look the other way.

OK, well, they did fall in love while filming a music video. On camera is a great way to see someone's true self. Just ask Ben Affleck regarding Jennifer Lopez.

Also, six weeks later when they married, they symbolized their union with tattoos. That worked well for Pam & Tommy, so why not Mariah & Nick?

And, they say that they plan to have a wedding every year (another thing that Pam Anderson is also doing, but I digress). If an annual wedding is not a vision of true love, then I don't know what is.

So there it is, all the evidence I need to know that Mariah & Nick may indeed have a long and lasting union. I guess I was just being cynical. Silly me...

I hope she has Geico

Britney Spears has been involved in, not one-- not two, not three, not four, not five-- but SIX accidents in the last year. And I'm only talking about the ones involving a vehicle (and not the ones like her 2007 VMA performance).

At this point, it's just too easy to pick on Brit. So I think I'll leave her alone for awhile and let this photo speak for itself.

But WOW is she entertaining!

Season Premier

So, I've returned from my six-month blogging hiatus. Where have I been, and what have I been doing? (My two loyal readers are dying to know.) Well, it's a tale of controversy, adventure, and sex. Here's the Cliff's Notes version:

First, I observed the writer's strike-- the same one that killed my reconciliation with Desperate Housewives following a lackluster Season 3.

• I read Tori Spelling's biography and learned that Terrence Trent D'Arby is the reason she's happily married today. (More on this later...)


• I booked an agent for Lulu-- we're taking her show on the road.


• I launched a campaign to get Pantene to do some R&D on "Mantene," an acceptable shampoo for men.


• I watched all sex and a half seasons of Sex and the City. I'd never seen it due to a lack of HBO, but Netflix helped to cure that.


• I discovered Facebook-- and that took up five of the six months of my hiatus.

So, I'm back to blog about pop culture, shampoo, and--sometimes-- my life.