Nature Schmature

Trying to make the most of my summer vacation this past weekend, I went for a walk in the woods (to live deliberately and all that jazz). I drove from my parents' house to Chapin Forest Reservation in Kirtland, Ohio with my trusty companion, Lulu, by my side. I was excited, and ready to commune with nature as I forged into the forest.

Seeking a little quiet and solitude on my endeavor, I experienced neither when I immediately encountered a day camp of noisy children on my trail. While quickly moving to a different one, I accumulated an impressive rock garden in each of my shoes. Trying to pass the stabbing pains for calming acupuncture only lasted so long. It was time to regroup and start again.

Finally walking solo (in rockless shoes) I tried to take in the sounds, smells, and sights of nature. This is when I concluded rather quickly that I live in the city to avoid exactly these things. The sound of nature this day was a bug that I never actually saw buzzing near my ear. I think it's classification in the Animal Kingdom is Torturus Sidler. I could not out-sidle this sidler, and it was driving me mad. Determined to suck more marrow out of life, I continued my walk while constantly fanning my hands by my ears in a feeble attempt to keep the sidler insect at bay. This was the moment I stepped in horse poop.

As I took in the smell of nature (and cleaned it off my shoes), I was annoyed with the rude rider who ignored the "Please clean up after your pets" sign that was clearly posted at the beginning of the trail.

After the poo, I sat down on a bench (lest I step in anymore). I was trying to take in the sights of nature (picture below). Pretty boring, huh? That's what I thought too.

Determining that the marrow of my life is not in the woods, I fished my iPod from my bag and gleefully walked by to my car to the soothing sounds of "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas, deeming nature sooo "two thousand late."

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one back to the city.
~Reigning Frog