"She's the happiest she's ever been!"

This is the new canned phrase every publicist states about every celebrity undergoing tough times. Jessica Simpson was "the happiest she's ever been" while divorcing Nick Lachey, as was Jennifer Aniston after Brad dumped her for Angelina. And now we hear that Lindsay Ho-han is "the happiest she's ever been" in rehab.

I don't buy it. Here's the various ways I interpret the statement depending on the celebrity:

• She's nearly suicidal.
• She's coming off a week-long bender.
• She gained 10 pounds on an M&M eating binge.
• She shopped herself to near death.
• She's finding comfort in the bed of the nearest backup dancer.
• She's hanging out with Paris Hilton.

There's no "happiest-ness" to be found in any of those situations...but it's probably the reality.