Rehabication

So, I have a couple weeks of vacation coming up, and I've decided that I'm going to the coolest, hippest destination-du-jour of the stars-- rehab! I mean, where else can you score an autograph these days?

My itinerary came in the mail yesterday, and here's a glimpse of the fun I'll be having:

Day 1

9:00 AM - Breakfast and pain meds with Jeff Conaway

9:15 AM - Weep uncontrollably with Jeff Conaway

12:00 Noon - Lunch with a round of "Guess the Baldwin Brother" (Will it be Daniel or Stephen joining me? I can't wait to find out!)

1:00 PM - Massage with my soon-to-be-pal Heather Locklear (Jack Wagner is my special guest star masseuse!)

2:00 PM - Gossip session with Kirsten Dunst (She'll be teaching people how to kiss upside down, be pale, and smoke.)

3:00 PM - Scarf-Microphone dancing lessons, courtesy of Steven Tyler

4:00 PM - Eva Mendes will present "Why I am Famous"

5:00 PM - Early bird dinner with Dennis Hopper, followed by bus driving lessons

6:00 PM - Sneak peak at the pilot episode of the new reality series, "The Even Couple" starring Amy Winehouse and Jeff Conaway

7:00 PM - Sext message seminar by Lindsay Lohan-- a great way to add romance to any fake lesbian relationship

8:00 PM - A game of spin the (non-alcoholic) bottle with the two Coreys

9:00 PM - Optional head shaving, care of Britney Spears

10:00 PM - Lights Out

10:01 PM - Leave rehab and head to Vegas

I'll be sure to post some pics!

Trump Wing Sauce?

There's a bit of excitement buzzing around my homestead of Buffalo thanks to this HUGE yacht docked at Erie Basin Marina called "Gran Finale."

Now, Buffalo is a rather shy town, and certainly not accustomed to the pomp and circumstance the comes with a 147' pimped-out yacht, complete with a hot tub and elevator. People here are caring far less about the boat (and it's 14,800 gallon gas tank-- that will cost almost $70,000 for the owner to fill 'er up) and much more about who owns it.

There are no definitive answers on any of the Internets about the dinghy's owner, but it is rumored to be Ivana Trump's. And since her ex-husband twice removed has an affinity for naming everything from Zambonis to bottled water after his moniker, the locals are wondering if we will soon have a Trump wing sauce-- the best-est and most expensive wing sauce in the entire world packaged in a gold bottle. A spicy Trump wing sauce could certainly give new meaning to the phrase, "You're fired!"

For more photos see my Gran Finale Flickr set.

The Tale of Andy Garcia's Conjoined Twin

When I was a kid I loved to hear ghost stories. "Where is my Golden Arm?" and anything from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark were always the best. As I got a little older, my interest in stories shifted to the more scandalous world of Hollywood. But I'm not sure that it was a huge leap-- after all, there are some pretty scary tales coming out of Tinsel Town (but let's not turn this into a post about Britney or Amy).

One Hollywood urban legend that always intrigued me was hearing that Andy Garcia was born with a conjoined twin. 'Could this really be true?' I wondered. I'd heard about it for years on Howard Stern's radio show, and even chuckled as Howard joked that Andy's softball-sized sibling got all the personality. (Andy is notoriously private, and is often perceived as rude by the media.) But this story has always kind of haunted me. So I did some research, and The Powers That Be (you know, the Internet) say that this story is TRUE! Andy Garcia had a sibling removed from his shoulder at birth. Rumor has it that the twin Garcia was never viable, but I believe otherwise.

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Now, it could just be one of those ghost stories that I'm so fond of, but I do have it on good authority that Andy Garcia's pint-sized twin is not only alive and well, but that he's also in showbiz. I even found a family photo, which you can see here.

That's right-- Andy Garcia's twin is none other than the world-famous Aflac duck, Gilbert Gottfried. Who knew?

Shampoo Review: Aura Pure

Aveda products are my all time favorite beauty products. If I purchased all of the Aveda products that I want to, the total cost would be equal to the gross domestic product of a South American nation. So until I win the lottery or Aveda starts to just give me their products, I need to improvise where I can. For example, at my shampoo playground (Sally Beauty Supply) a "generic" version of Aveda exists at a drastically lower price than the real thing. It's called Aura. Aveda products are all natural, and Aura products seem to have a lot of chemicals in them that mimic the natural-ness of Aveda products, because the scent is pretty darn close.

So here is my review of Aura's Pure shampoo, which is the doppelgänger for Aveda's Shampure.

Aveda Shampure = $19.00, Aura Pure = $5.00

Reigning Frog's Verdict: You get what you pay for.

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Who knew snakes poo?

At a recent visit to the zoo I had the misfortune of stumbling upon a display with multiple choice questions asking, "Whose poop is this?" This one was the best (and the worst):

So, whose poo do you think this is? Your choices are Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Steve-O, or an emerald tree boa. And the answer is...

The least obvious choice-- the emerald tree boa. According to the zoo display, the white part is crystalized urine, making this a pee-poo combination. Ick.

Who?

Who is this Hayden Penitentiary person, and why does People magazine seem to care about her so much?

Actually, I could truly care less who Hayden is and what show she's on. I accept the fact that I'm getting older and will simply be out of touch with large segments of pop culture catering to those younger than me. I just hope it never gets embarrassingly bad-- like the time a professor of mine from college was reading an article to the class (late 1990's) and asked, "Does anyone know who this 'Oprah Winfrey' person is?" Umm...

Seriously, how is that possible?!