Julio, the Carnivorous Bird

When I was 15 I went on a trip to Florida with my best friend at the time, Molly. We stayed with her “Aunt Junie & Uncle Jimmy.” The age difference between Molly & I and Junie & Jimmie was about 15 times Pi, squared, so it wasn’t the hippest trip, but it was still a blast.

Of the many many many stories I collected that week from spending seven days with senior citizens, the most memorable was of a bird named “Julio.” Junie, Jimmy, Molly and I went to neighbor’s home for dinner. Molly rang the doorbell, and after a minute the door opened and there was a bizarre-looking woman standing before me who had the largest and most numerous teeth I’ve ever seen on a human being. Without a word, this woman, whose name I don’t remember but will call “Ruthy” (obviously because it rhymes with toothy) grabbed Molly’s and my arms and dragged us through the house to her backyard. As she dragged us, she introduced herself and explained that “Julio” was nearby and we might be able to see him. I had no idea who "Julio" was, but had no time to ask. Next thing I know she hands each of us a raw steak. Yes, you read that correctly. The woman put raw meat in our hands in preparation for introducing us to a bird.

A whole host of thoughts scurried through my mind, but I was instantly distracted when Toothy Ruthy began to yodel “Julio! Julio! Juuullliiooooooo!” All of a sudden something with the wingspan of Pegasus took flight from across the lake her backyard sat on. The only way I can describe this “bird” is that it looked like a pterodactyl (wow was I WAY off on the spelling of that word. Thank you spellcheck. I won't be winning any spelling bees with "terradactyl.") Anway, I know that PTERODACTLs have been extinct since, like, the Jurassic era, but I swear this was a pterodactyl.

Toothy Ruthy then told us to hold our steaks out, and, as Julio drew closer and closer, like Mel Gibson in the cavalry battle scene from Braveheart she said “Steady…Hold…Hold!...Hold!...NOW!!!” and Julio swooped down and took the steak from my hand. Molly threw hers up in the air and ran inside. Toothy Ruthy cheered and jumped up and down and shouted accolades at Julio as he returned to his lyre at the other end of the lake.

To this day I don’t know what kind of “bird” Julio was, but sometimes when I’m watching the Discovery Channel I think that I might see him on his own special. What? It’s possible that he’s still alive. If he was over a million years old in 1992, what’s another 14 years?



This is what Julio looked like. (I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I first did a clipart search for photos of pterodactyls. I wonder why I couldn't find any? They're probably with photos of Jesus. )