Fun with Pictures

Check out this photo I found of Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear from their 1986 wedding. (If I didn't just tell you that they were married in 1986, wouldn't you have guessed it anyway?)

Other than the obvious, several things made me laugh about this photo, and I thought we could have a little fun examining this photo in depth. For example, check this out...

Maybe he's born with it, or maybe it's Maybelline, but I think a good rule of thumb is that the groom should not wear more makeup than the bride. Call me old-fashioned.

And then there's this:

Heather's dress reminds me so much of the one the Linda Kozlowski wore in Crocodile Dundee that I had to wonder if they were cut from the same cloth? (...Or lack there of?)

And lastly, look closely at Tommy's jeans near Heather's foot. Do you see what I see (and what everyone else saw on the Internet thanks to Pam Anderson?)

Now, I can't be sure. It could just be a shadow, but from what we know about Tommy the "skinny jeans" fad was probably pretty revealing. Let's see if we can catch a closer look:

And there you have it, today's Fun with Pictures!

Turtle Park by the Light of Day

In my hometown of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, there is a park where I used to play as a little girl. It's called "Turtle Park" because of the giant turtle in the sandbox where I built my sandcastles. Turtle Park had it's own 15 minutes of fame in the spring of 1986 when Michael J. Fox was in town filming a little-known movie called "Light of Day."

The movie barely saw the light of day, and I've always suspected that it was because Joan Jett performed the main title. (The producers should have used '80's soundtrack mogul Kenny Loggins if they wanted a hit movie.)

But anyway, here's a recent picture of Turtle Park. I can still picture Michael J. Fox sitting there near the giant turtle.

Old School Telephone Numbers

Once upon a time, in a century far far away, a very smart man invented something called the "telephone machine." At first, like the later "mechanical television," naysayers said "It's a fad," and continued to use carrier pigeons. But eventually the telephone machine caught on, and is obviously here to stay.

Early telephone numbers were only five digits (unlike the standard ten of today). Words were used to identify the first two digits to help people remember the number. A famous example is the great Elizabeth Taylor movie, "BUtterfield 8." BU8, or 288, was a Manhattan exchange. I remember being so confused as a kid when my parents would recall their childhood phone numbers because this "BUtterfield" system was long-gone in the '80's. But I also felt like I had missed out on an important piece of useless history. So today I am reinventing the alpha-numeric phone number-- this time for area codes and with a pop culture twist. If you live in any of the following cities, check out my new way to say your area code.

Buffalo (716): "7, Sixteen Candles"
Cleveland (216): "21 Jumpstreet, 6"
Detroit (313): "thirtysomething, 3"
DC (202): "BOno, 2"
NYC (646): "6, HOosiers"
Houston (281): "28 Days, 1"
Boca Raton (954): "Nine to Five, 4"
Baton Rouge (225): "2, KAzaam"

"Special 'Guest' Stars" Aren't So Special Anymore

“Special Guest Star” is a term that has completely changed its meaning over the last 15 years. It used to be that shows would bring in a high caliber celebrity as a “Special Guest Star” for an episode or two during sweeps week, or for a season premier or finale. But lately it seems like every show has a main character listed as a “Special Guest Star.” What’s up with that?

It all started with Heather Locklear on Melrose Place. Aaron Spelling brought her on board to save the show from poor ratings, and it worked. Six seasons later, not only was she still on the show, but she was one of the main characters, and she was still credited as “Special Guest Star.” I’m sorry, Heather, but you ceased being a “guest” when you moved into a balcony apartment with a view of the pool.

We saw this phenomenon happen again on 90210 when Luke Perry reprised his role as Dylan in 1998. He got the “Special Guest Star” label, but he was neither “special” nor a “guest;” he was just his regular old character.

Recently I discovered another “Special Guest Star” label gone awry while watching the new SoapNet show “General Hospital: Night Shift” (I don’t want to digress, so I’ll post about this awesome GH spin-off another time). Anyway, Billy Dee Williams is credited as the a “Special Guest Star.” He plays a janitor who offers his cool, sage wisdom as people ride in the elevator with him. My guess is he’ll be in every episode, making him neither “special” nor a “guest.”

Side story: While I was watching a TV show with “Special Guest Star” Billy Dee Williams, I was also doing a crossword puzzle in which Billy Dee Williams was one of the puzzle answers. What are the chances of that!?

No, she didn't-- she couldn't have...

Caption: Rachael Smith, Miss USA 2007, falls during the evening gowns competition of the Miss Universe 2007 beauty pageant in Mexico City. Click here to see it on YouTube.

The very first lesson of Beauty Pageants 101 is "Don't fall during the evening gown competition." (Why did it have to be Miss USA?!)

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When the only thing you have to do for a living is walk, you won't get much sympathy for falling. But I wonder how it happened. Was she out with Lindsay Ho-Han the night before?

Sweeps Week: Guess What? I'm Gay!

This portion of Sweeps Week is brought to you by:
Speed Stick Deodorant.

Speed Stick Deodorant...
We're trying to get Matthew McConaughey to use it.

Continuing with Sweeps Week... If you're a celebrity, coming out of the closet is guaranteed to land you the cover of People magazine. Here's a few that surprised me:

• Doogie Howser (sometimes a.k.a. Neil Patrick Harris)
• Lance Bass (I said I was surprised, OK!)
• George Takei (I only know George in the context of his guest appearances on The Howard Stern Show, but I understand it was a big deal to hear that Sulu is gay.)
• Jodi Foster (I'm discovering that a lot of people don't realize she's gay, but she is.)
• Rock Hudson (Perhaps the #1 shocker of all time)
• Mike Brady (Robert Reed)
• And, finally, in spite of wearing outfits like these, I was floored to hear that George Michael is gay. (It was the '80's, what did we know?)

Who did I miss?
(And don't you dare say Rosie O'Donnell;
it would have only been big news if she wasn't gay.)

Sweeps Week: Who's Your Daddy?

This portion of Pop Culture Sweeps Week is
brought to you by
Pantene Ice Shampoo and Conditioner.

Pantene Ice...Nice!

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Today for February Sweeps Week we review surprise celebrity pregnancies and paternities revealed. Remember these, "Oh my God?!" moments?

• Melissa Etheridge's baby's sperm donor revealed as David Crosby (Did you do a tox screen first, Melissa?)
  
• Howard K. Stern claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newborn daughter (if you watched the Anna Nicole Show on E!, then you were probably weirdly interested in this story. I know I was.)*
  
• Surprise Gwen! Gavin Rossdale's godchild is really his daughter!
  
• Michael Jackson supposedly procreates, begging the question (literally) "Who's your Daddy?"


• Most beautiful adulterers in the world name their lovechild Shiloh

Anyone else that grabbed your attention?

*I posted this before the news broke of Anna Nicole's sudden death. What sad news. Poor Sugar Pie.

Back in time for February sweeps

Due to life happening all around me, I've been on a forced blog hiatus, but I'm back just in time for February sweeps. Lost returns tonight, General Hospital is Day 8 into a dramatic, "real time" storyline, and of course, the Super Bowl aired this past Sunday.

So I started thinking, 'Is there such a thing as sweeps week for blogs? If so, what would it be like? Shocking revelations? Declarations of love?' Unfortunately my life isn't exciting enough to warrant high ratings for a blog sweeps week, but I think it might be worthwhile to revisit some shocking pop culture moments in honor of sweeps week. Consider this the first post in a week-long series.
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Illness & injury...not even celebrities are immune. Here's a list of some "Oh my God!" celebrity illnesses and injuries revealed.

• Pam Anderson has Hepatitis-C
• Michael Jackson catches fire while filming a Pepsi commercial
• Michael J. Fox diagnosed with Parkinson's disease
• Magic Johnson HIV positive
• Christopher Reeve paralyzed in riding accident

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Anyone else come to mind?

Time I'll want back when I'm on my deathbed

I can't believe how much of my time is spent doing things that I don't even really want to do. I'm kind of a numbers person, and I often wonder exactly how much of my time is wasted by the crap of life, both avoidable and unavoidable. I'm sure it adds up to months, if not years. Off the top of my head, here are some things that, when I'm on my deathbed, I know I'll curse myself for wasting time on.

• Watching Season 8 of Beverly Hills 90210 (the Hilary Swank season)
• Time spent behind slow drivers on single lane roads (my biggest pet peeve)
• Every micro-second I spent in AP Chemistry
• The month I spent reading The Good Earth in 7th grade (there's something to be said for book banning; I wish this had been one of them).
• Time spent watching British humor trying to convince myself that it's funny when it's not.
• Every Mentos commercial I ever sat through (oddly entertaining on one hand, but a waste of time on the other).
• Time spent doing dishes and laundry (God do I hate doing dishes and laundry!)
• All the time that Norton and Windows Updates have taken out of my life when they usurp my computer.
• The two hours and change I spent in the theater seeing Mission Impossible.
• Waiting in waiting rooms.
• Getting stuck in conversations with people about boring crap and being too nice to implement an exit strategy.

What time will you want back when you're on your deathbed?

Christina's Excellent 80's Movie Adventure

I love the 1989 classic movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (I'm allowed to, I grew up in the '80's). But I was thinking today that if a telephone booth from the future appeared on my tree lawn, I wouldn't be so boring as to go back in time and bring back real people. I would instead dial my time booth to '80's movies and bring a wide array of the decade's greatest characters to the stage of San Dimas High.

The emcee would, of course, be Carol Anne from Poltergeist to announce that "They're Heeere..." Michael J. Fox would get everyone in a party mood as Teen Wolf. Maybe he'd shoot some hoops or surf on top of a van to a little "Surfin' USA". Then we'd have a live aquatic show from Daryl Hannah as the mermaid "Madison" in Splash, followed by "Wax On, Wax Off" lessons from Mr. Miyagi of the Karate Kid (I and II, but we'll ignore III for it's obvious "Bogus!"-ness). Kim Cattrall as "Emmy" from Mannequin would do a little fashion show for us, and we would conclude with Maverick, Goose, Ice-Man and Slider recreating the volleyball scene from Top Gun.

I can picture it all in my mind and it's an A+ for sure.

Captain Crunchy

Matthew McConaughey certainly is one sexy man. To me he epitomizes male physical perfection. But within the last year I learned something about him that has forever tainted his image in my mind. According to the Sexiest Man Alive 2005 himself, Matthew never wears deodorant. Um, I kind of have a problem with that, and truthfully would have just rather not known.

Upon hearing Matthew's odorant preference, several hundred fantasies of mine burst like a balloon. Now whenever I see him on an interview I mute the TV just in case he next admits that he doesn't believe in toothpaste.

Unfortunately, however, the damage is done. All I can think of now is that if I ever meet him I'd probably say to him, "Slider, you stink."

How "We Are the World" has helped me in life

The 2006 Grammy nominees were announced today. I don't even know half the singers or songs. It's so pathetic. The only one I do know is Justin Timberlake, and I hate him. I don't just hate his music, I think I really hate him in his entirety. I can't put my finger on exactly why; I've never even met the man. But I'm certain of my bad vibe-age regarding him.

So I was feeling down on myself for not knowing any of the Grammy nominees (as if that's the key to health, wealth and happiness). Nonetheless, I was thinking, "Am I not hip anymore? (Maybe I never even was!) Do I really know as much about pop culture as I think I do, or am I delusional?" And then half my self-doubt went away (the pop culture half; I'm still feeling like I'm not hip at the moment) when I saw a list of previous Grammy winners and We Are the World was listed as Song of the Year in 1985, and I realized how much I really do know about pop culture.

I L-O-V-E-D We Are the World! To eight year old me that song and its 40 singers were my whole world for a good two months. I listened to the song constantly (my poor parents) and I watched "The Making of We Are the World" over and over again; I even memorized the album cover! I'm dead serious. Any name I didn't know at the time (like James Ingram) I researched. I researched until I knew everybody.

Now, some may see this as a waste of brain space. After all, what good can possibly come from knowing all the singers who participated in We Are the World? Well, it did help me win a game of Trivial Pursuit in 2001, some sixteen years later! It was a fierce game of boys against girls. The final question to win was something like:

"Who was the only non-American to participate

in the recording of We Are the World."

I pulled up my mental database of artists and came up with the answer for the win.

The answer is DAN AYKROYD. He's Canadian.

Another little tidbit I know is that Dan Aykroyd and his wife, Donna Dixon, are very very very good friends with Fran Drescher. They're so close that Fran and her ex-husband stayed with Dan & Donna for a period of time following a violent and traumatic break-in to their home.

Oh, here's another little nugget of knowledge. American Idol's Randy Jackson was a contributing vocalist on the album.

I know--I know way too much about We Are the World. Maybe that's why I'm not hip.

Superman's Cape

Back around Halloween I noticed all these children running around in inappropriate Superman costumes. They all had that stupid burgundy-brown cape instead of the one true red cape worn by real Supermen for decades. I don't like Earth-Hue Superman; I like Primary Color Superman. Blue, Yellow and RED; it keeps things simple. Plus, down the road, if I ever have kids, I don't want to hear them say, "My Mom is so old that Superman's cape was still red when she was little."

Missing Digits

Why do cartoon characters never have five fingers? I'm sure I'm not the first to notice this. Does anyone have an answer? Look at this wide array of characters I've sampled. They all have 4 fingers. Are 5 really that hard to draw? I'm baffled.

Bringin’ Home the Bacon

I saw Kevin Bacon in a Hanes commercial with…Michael Jordan? I don’t quite see the connection unless Kevin is trying to make it so that there’s no more than five degrees of separation between him and all famous people. Maybe he is, because this Bacon/Jordan pairing does make for a whole new lightening round for the Kevin Bacon “Six Degrees of Separation” game. Check it out.

Phil Jackson coached Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Previously would have been: Phil Jackson coached Dennis Rodman who dated Madonna who was married to Sean Penn who appeared in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 4. That Hanes commercial cuts those degrees of separation in half!

And here’s a whole world we just couldn’t get into before:

Hakim Olajuwon played in the NBA the same time as Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Bugs Bunny starred in Space Jam with Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Bacon number = 2

Joe Ganote of the Tennessee Smokies played minor league baseball against Michael Jordan who appeared in a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon. Who is Joe Ganote? I don’t know, but he has a Bacon number of 2 now.

R.I.P. JFK

Today marks the 43rd anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Not that I was alive at the time, but I have a theory that JFK and his wife Jackie O. were the first First couple to bring the American presidency into pop culture. So to that, and for all that they symbolize in American history, I salute both of them today.

PS - As a Republican I have a theory that the Democratic JFK of 1960-1963 would have been a Republican today. I know that's Kennedy blasphemy, but it's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Rainbow Bright's Tights

I love funky socks. I was thrilled when I found Rainbow Bright's thigh highs during Halloween. Now, I know that Rainbow Bright was animated, so technically they should be Rainbow Bright-inspired thigh highs (since it would be a little hard to sell tights to humans that were exactly like hers, being two-dimensional and all). But anyhoo, I'm wearing these today under jeans and not only are my legs warm, but they are very fashionable.

Garbage Pail Nightmare

I forgot to take my garbage tote to the curb last night, so by this time next week I'm going to be swimming in trash like a Garbage Pail Kid. When I heard the truck on my street this morning I was still sleeping, and at that time I was in my comfy Karen Neuburger nightgown under two down quilts with two sleeping dogs and three sleeping cats surrounding me-- garbage didn't seem like a big deal at the time. A few hours later, I'm seeing it a little differently.

But it did inspire me to blog about the trashtastic 80's phenomenon called Garbage Pail Kids. I wasn't too into them, but I do acknowledge their significance in pop culture. (Was it just me, or was that the worst stick of gum ever that came with them? Ick!)

In addition to piling garbage, I've had laundry piling up this week. Unless I deal with it this weekend, I'll be able to launch a new series of cards called "Washbasket People." This would be the first card inspired by me.

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2 "Lettuce" Bond Girls

I'm not a guy, so I can analyze this topic logically. Bond girls are legendary. The key to casting a good one is to catch her at just the right time in her career. She must have made an initial appearance on the big screen, but she can't be too well-known. Attention to the initial appearance is fine, but she must still have an element of mystique.

On that note, I need to vent about the two worst casting mishaps in all of Bond Girl Christendom, and they both happened during Pierce's reign. Teri Hatcher and Denise Richards. Owl eyes and neanderthal foreheads aren't sought after features for a Bond Girl.

I will give props, though, to Sophie Marceau. Excellent choice at the right time.

I can say with certainty that Catherine Zeta-Jones would have been a great choice, perhaps one of the best Bond Girls ever if she had been cast between Mask of Zorro and Entrapment. Now it's too late.

But back to Teri Hatcher and the other one-- they weren't real, and they weren't spectacular.

What it means to "Jump the Couch"

One of my favorite pop culture terms ever was coined in 2005. In the spirit of the television website JumptheShark.com, the phrase "Jump the Couch" was created. As defined by UrbanDictionary.com, jumping the couch is "...a defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise's...behavior on Oprah." Priceless!

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