Rehabication

So, I have a couple weeks of vacation coming up, and I've decided that I'm going to the coolest, hippest destination-du-jour of the stars-- rehab! I mean, where else can you score an autograph these days?

My itinerary came in the mail yesterday, and here's a glimpse of the fun I'll be having:

Day 1

9:00 AM - Breakfast and pain meds with Jeff Conaway

9:15 AM - Weep uncontrollably with Jeff Conaway

12:00 Noon - Lunch with a round of "Guess the Baldwin Brother" (Will it be Daniel or Stephen joining me? I can't wait to find out!)

1:00 PM - Massage with my soon-to-be-pal Heather Locklear (Jack Wagner is my special guest star masseuse!)

2:00 PM - Gossip session with Kirsten Dunst (She'll be teaching people how to kiss upside down, be pale, and smoke.)

3:00 PM - Scarf-Microphone dancing lessons, courtesy of Steven Tyler

4:00 PM - Eva Mendes will present "Why I am Famous"

5:00 PM - Early bird dinner with Dennis Hopper, followed by bus driving lessons

6:00 PM - Sneak peak at the pilot episode of the new reality series, "The Even Couple" starring Amy Winehouse and Jeff Conaway

7:00 PM - Sext message seminar by Lindsay Lohan-- a great way to add romance to any fake lesbian relationship

8:00 PM - A game of spin the (non-alcoholic) bottle with the two Coreys

9:00 PM - Optional head shaving, care of Britney Spears

10:00 PM - Lights Out

10:01 PM - Leave rehab and head to Vegas

I'll be sure to post some pics!