Lost in "Lost"

After a couple seasons of sitting on my procrastination list, I have finally dug into watching Lost beginning with episode 1. The entire series is on Hulu for the time being, so all 100 plus episodes are at my disposal. As I've worked my way up to Season 5, I notice my brain starting to warp. Here are some signs that I've been watching too much Lost.

• My recent Google searches include "making shampoo from nature," "how to start a fire on a deserted island," and "natural sunscreen."
• I swear I saw Hurley at my local grocery store just last week.
• A business acquaintance died recently, and part of me thinks I will see him again.
• I played the lottery with numbers 4-8-15-16-23-42.
• I no longer think of Party of Five when I see Matthew Fox.
• My heart skips a beat every time I hear the word "other."
• And lastly, I thought the Island skipped me ahead in time when I saw a woman vaguely resembling an ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend, walking past his house carrying a baby.

My goal is to be caught up with the show by the time the finale airs, so I'm going to keep watching until my nose bleeds.

Dear America, Watch Hockey

I used to be one of them. One of those people that don't watch hockey. Not only do they not watch it, but they don't know how much they are missing not watching hockey.

Since moving to Buffalo eight years ago, I have developed a genuine interest in the sport. I still don't know all the subtle nuances of the game, like I do for basketball and baseball, but I know this-- it's an AWESOME sport to watch. So I still only pretend to know what icing is, and I don't even try to understand the lines, but I watch regularly and I have fun!

I'm here today to implore the rest of America to start watching hockey. I'll start with you, Cleveland, my hometown. I don't know why we're not hockey fans, 'cause we totally should be. We have ice, and only the shallowest Great Lake separates us from Canada. That's like E=MC2 for a hockey town! If this Cleveland gal can fall in love with it, so can you! Before you know it, we could have a pro hockey team with a lame name and bad colors who will never win the Stanley Cup, but whom we love and embrace with blinding fury.

What's so great about hockey, you ask? Well, here are my top reasons I think you should watch:

1. There are fights right in the middle of the game! Personally, I think two men punching each other on ice is about as bad ass as it gets.
   
2. It is a fast-paced game, and very efficient. Time outs are rather infrequent, so not a lot of time wasted, which works well in our busy society.
   
3. Many of the players are hot! I know they're all geared up and covered with helmets, but you still get to see their sexy, stubbly faces.
4. If missing teeth is not your thing, fear not; due to great advances in dentistry, most hockey players appear to have a complete set of teeth these days.
   
5. Hockey is a great venue to witness extreme endurance and athleticism, perhaps more than any other sport. (Yeah, that's right Football, I said it.) The pace of the game and the speeds these guys reach on a consistent basis is nothing short of extraordinary.
6. The rules are pretty easy to understand-- whoever has the most goals wins (kind of). Worry about the rules later...
7. If you like mysteries, hockey gear is a great one. I still don't know what the heck they wear under their jerseys and shorts, but I'm always intrigued.
   

So, give it a try (preferably with some Canadian beer and Buffalo wings). You'll thank me later.

Nature Schmature

Trying to make the most of my summer vacation this past weekend, I went for a walk in the woods (to live deliberately and all that jazz). I drove from my parents' house to Chapin Forest Reservation in Kirtland, Ohio with my trusty companion, Lulu, by my side. I was excited, and ready to commune with nature as I forged into the forest.

Seeking a little quiet and solitude on my endeavor, I experienced neither when I immediately encountered a day camp of noisy children on my trail. While quickly moving to a different one, I accumulated an impressive rock garden in each of my shoes. Trying to pass the stabbing pains for calming acupuncture only lasted so long. It was time to regroup and start again.

Finally walking solo (in rockless shoes) I tried to take in the sounds, smells, and sights of nature. This is when I concluded rather quickly that I live in the city to avoid exactly these things. The sound of nature this day was a bug that I never actually saw buzzing near my ear. I think it's classification in the Animal Kingdom is Torturus Sidler. I could not out-sidle this sidler, and it was driving me mad. Determined to suck more marrow out of life, I continued my walk while constantly fanning my hands by my ears in a feeble attempt to keep the sidler insect at bay. This was the moment I stepped in horse poop.

As I took in the smell of nature (and cleaned it off my shoes), I was annoyed with the rude rider who ignored the "Please clean up after your pets" sign that was clearly posted at the beginning of the trail.

After the poo, I sat down on a bench (lest I step in anymore). I was trying to take in the sights of nature (picture below). Pretty boring, huh? That's what I thought too.

Determining that the marrow of my life is not in the woods, I fished my iPod from my bag and gleefully walked by to my car to the soothing sounds of "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas, deeming nature sooo "two thousand late."

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one back to the city.
~Reigning Frog

Senator Nanny Fine?

Miss Fine!

In what sounds like a rejected script from the TV show The Nanny, Fran Drescher is tossing her DKNY hat (bought on sale at Loehmann's, no doubt) in the ring to replace Hillary Clinton as the junior Senator from New York state.

Wuh?

I don't support the idea anymore than Mr. Sheffield would, and here's why:

• Since Roger Clinton is the Sheffield's neighbor, Hillary will still be in the picture. Hillary and C.C. have a lot in common-- namely that nobody can stand either of them.
• The probability is high that Fran will wear disguises to gain access to congressional meetings that she's not invited to. That may work in catching a husband, but not in governing a nation.
• Fran has a known Doppelgänger (Bobbi Flekman), so we would always be wondering if the real Fran Fine is standing up.
• As Mr. Sheffield can attest, Fran has a knack for losing precious documents (such as an original excerpt of Shakespeare). Could she really be trusted near the Constitution and Declaration of Independence?
• Fran is easily swayed by the mere mention of Barbra Streisand's name; therefore we can assume that she's an easy target for bribery.

I think with these reasons (and many others) it's abundantly clear that the U.S. Senate is no place for a nanny.

Rosie O'Donnell in the Morning

Anyone else think this is NOT photoshopped?

We're through

NaBloPoMo, I'm breaking up with you. I'm tired of your demands. I'm gonna blog when I want to blog.

The Best $4.25 I Never Spent

Cola Shampoo

Even I wouldn't have thought of this.

That's not to say that I don't want this badly;
I just wouldn't have thought of it.

Might Be the Night Fever

This 1985 photo of Princess Diana dancing with John Travolta at a ball thrown by Ronald Reagan has always boggled me. In fact, if this photo didn't pre-date PhotoShop (and there wasn't a ton of video footage of them dancing), I'd suspect it was fake.

Yes, strangeness abounds with this particular photo. As a quick example, there's the whole "Why is John Travolta at a White House function?" thing. His career had pretty much flatlined by this time (until Look Who's Talking came out in 1989). Can you blame us, really? I mean, we were still recovering from Staying Alive for crying out loud!

Also, there's the whole celebrity/politics thing. Perhaps it's just an urban legend, but I'm pretty sure that the universe falls out of alignment if a celebrity attends any kind of Republican function.

And while many celebrities often feel that they are royalty, actual royalty (and most Kennedys) hold no such illusions. To see the Princess of Wales even in the same room with Danny Zuko is very strange.

In fact, there are so many strange things about this scenario, that it creates a near "when pigs fly" phenomena. If not for this photo, I might walk around saying: "I'll stop eating meat when Vinnie Barbarino dances with the Princess of Wales on the floor of the White House!"

I'm Your #1 Fan

Excuse me, Mr. Elderflower Unperfumed Eye Gel--

can I have your autograph?

Intrigue

It's not often that a brand new shampoo comes out.

I am intrigued!

Simmering Inadequacy

There's nothin' like a little trip to Williams-Sonoma to make you realize how inadequate you, your kitchen, and probably your whole life are. I was there yesterday scoping out the outrageous new kitchen gadgets Santa might want to bring Martha Stewart. Let's see what I discovered...

A truffle shaver. I don't know how much this is, but I do know that truffles sell for about $130-380/pound. (Not bad for fungus.) Even at that price, does anyone really need a truffle shaver? Is there no other EXISTING tool that could do the job? [scratching head]

Moving on...


Aww, how cute. If you're gonna juice a lemon, I suppose having a little birdy helping could be kind of fun. But for some reason this thing reminds me of Lady Bird Johnson, and I just can't get past it.


Oh, here's something I actually really like and do want for myself:

A pink grapefruit cooking candle.

But not for $24.50!

After browsing all of the shelves, I left--empty handed--feeling like I've accomplished nothing in life. Maybe if I buy that truffle shaver, I will regain a little dignity.

Space Jam

Hi, NaBloPoMo, I'm kind of tired and was real busy today, so I am just posting a picture of some farm fresh jelly I bought this summer at at the Bidwell Farmer's Market. You and I both know that I'm only doing this to take up space and say I blogged today, but you did say that all I have to do is blog every day-- you never said it had to be good.

Shampoo for Teeth

I've been on a mission to take better care of my teeth. I'd like to keep them for awhile, and I figure that they're getting older, so they may need some extra T.L.C.

But, I'm also pretty lazy, so I was looking for something to take care of my teeth that takes little to no effort (preferably no effort). Well, leave it to Walgreens to inspire me. "Free" by "Register Rewards" last month was a giant bottle of Crest Pro Health mouthwash.

Side note: "Register Rewards" are an awesome secret at Walgreens. It's when you buy an item, and then you get a coupon for the total amount of that item that can be used for anything on your next Walgreens visit. In this case, I bought the mouthwash for $4.50 (minus $1.00 with a Crest coupon). Walgreens then gave me a coupon for $4.50 to use on anything my heart desired the next time I shopped at Walgreens (I'm sure my heart desired a new shampoo). Note, with the $1.00 Crest coupon, it was actually a profitable transaction!

Anyhoo, I've been using the mouthwash, and I have to say that I really like it. It's kind of fun, and I look forward to using it. It almost seems like shampoo for teeth, and so it makes me smile.

Pepé Lu Lu

If only I had seen this a week ago,

Lulu would have had a badass Halloween costume.

Honey I Shrunk the Kids' Pool

I took this photo at the Buffalo & Erie County Botanical Gardens recently, and there's something about it that I just love. For awhile I was unable to put my finger on exactly what I like so much about it. Then it hit me. It looks like it could be a swimming pool for the kids in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!

Easy Off?

I am terrified of cleaning my oven. Does that make me crazy or lazy?

Seriously, I am afraid. Of what, I'm not sure. Perhaps blowing it up (even though it's electric); perhaps burning the skin off my hands with mysterious oven cleaning acid.

I'm not sure where this fear came from, but it is very deep-seeded. In fact, can I make a confession? I've never cleaned my oven. I've moved before I ever needed to, or someone else did it for me. In fact, how often are you supposed to clean an oven?

These are the things I think about while I should be cleaning my oven.

Colonel Mustard Electoral Map

The results are in on the Colonel Mustard vote at The Willful Caboose. Check it out!

We Interrupt This Broadcast...

...Beep...Beep....Beep

We interrupt the hysteria coverage of the 2008 Presidential election to bring you this important announcement: Buffalo Sabres coach Lindy Ruff is running for the nickname "Colonel Mustard" at The Willful Caboose, the New York Times's premier hockey blog.

I am proud to endorse Lindy Ruff to be nicknamed "Colonel Mustard." Ruff has been serving the Buffalo Sabres in all of his yellowness since 1997, and is frequently dressed in grilled cheese-hued clothing. Lindy originally hales from Canada, where the mustard might look the same, but probably tastes just a little different.

I urge you to make history on this day, and vote "Yay" on Issue Colonel Mustard.

Ode to Fall Back

Fall Back, your extra hour is more beautiful
than a blooming orchid.

Fall Back, your tranquility is like a Cosmo
drunk out of a pink polka dot glass.


Fall Back, your awesomeness surpasses that of a
polar bear doing the backstroke.


Fall Back, the joy you add to my life is like
the smile of this Canadian mannequin.


Fall Back, I love you...