Reigning Frog's Blog

Lost in "Lost"

2010-03-11T09:38:00.002-05:00

After a couple seasons of sitting on my procrastination list, I have finally dug into watching Lost beginning with episode 1. The entire series is on Hulu for the time being, so all 100 plus episodes are at my disposal. As I've worked my way up to Season 5, I notice my brain starting to warp. Here are some signs that I've been watching too much Lost.

My recent Google searches include "making shampoo from nature," "how to start a fire on a deserted island," and "natural sunscreen."
I swear I saw Hurley at my local grocery store just last week.
A business acquaintance died recently, and part of me thinks I will see him again.
I played the lottery with numbers 4-8-15-16-23-42.
I no longer think of Party of Five when I see Matthew Fox.
My heart skips a beat every time I hear the word "other."
And lastly, I thought the Island skipped me ahead in time when I saw a woman vaguely resembling an ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend, walking past his house carrying a baby.

My goal is to be caught up with the show by the time the finale airs, so I'm going to keep watching until my nose bleeds.

Dear America, Watch Hockey

2010-03-05T09:47:00.011-05:00

I used to be one of them. One of those people that don't watch hockey. Not only do they not watch it, but they don't know how much they are missing not watching hockey.

Since moving to Buffalo eight years ago, I have developed a genuine interest in the sport. I still don't know all the subtle nuances of the game, like I do for basketball and baseball, but I know this-- it's an AWESOME sport to watch. So I still only pretend to know what icing is, and I don't even try to understand the lines, but I watch regularly and I have fun!

I'm here today to implore the rest of America to start watching hockey. I'll start with you, Cleveland, my hometown. I don't know why we're not hockey fans, 'cause we totally should be. We have ice, and only the shallowest Great Lake separates us from Canada. That's like E=MC2 for a hockey town! If this Cleveland gal can fall in love with it, so can you! Before you know it, we could have a pro hockey team with a lame name and bad colors who will never win the Stanley Cup, but whom we love and embrace with blinding fury.

What's so great about hockey, you ask? Well, here are my top reasons I think you should watch:

There are fights right in the middle of the game! Personally, I think two men punching each other on ice is about as bad ass as it gets.
It is a fast-paced game, and very efficient. Time outs are rather infrequent, so not a lot of time wasted, which works well in our busy society.
Many of the players are hot! I know they're all geared up and covered with helmets, but you still get to see their sexy, stubbly faces.
If missing teeth is not your thing, fear not; due to great advances in dentistry, most hockey players appear to have a complete set of teeth these days.
Hockey is a great venue to witness extreme endurance and athleticism, perhaps more than any other sport. (Yeah, that's right Football, I said it.) The pace of the game and the speeds these guys reach on a consistent basis is nothing short of extraordinary.
The rules are pretty easy to understand-- whoever has the most goals wins (kind of). Worry about the rules later...
If you like mysteries, hockey gear is a great one. I still don't know what the heck they wear under their jerseys and shorts, but I'm always intrigued.

So, give it a try (preferably with some Canadian beer and Buffalo wings). You'll thank me later.

Nature Schmature

2009-07-23T10:30:00.009-04:00

Trying to make the most of my summer vacation this past weekend, I went for a walk in the woods (to live deliberately and all that jazz). I drove from my parents' house to Chapin Forest Reservation in Kirtland, Ohio with my trusty companion, Lulu, by my side. I was excited, and ready to commune with nature as I forged into the forest.

Seeking a little quiet and solitude on my endeavor, I experienced neither when I immediately encountered a day camp of noisy children on my trail. While quickly moving to a different one, I accumulated an impressive rock garden in each of my shoes. Trying to pass the stabbing pains for calming acupuncture only lasted so long. It was time to regroup and start again.

Finally walking solo (in rockless shoes) I tried to take in the sounds, smells, and sights of nature. This is when I concluded rather quickly that I live in the city to avoid exactly these things. The sound of nature this day was a bug that I never actually saw buzzing near my ear. I think it's classification in the Animal Kingdom is Torturus Sidler. I could not out-sidle this sidler, and it was driving me mad. Determined to suck more marrow out of life, I continued my walk while constantly fanning my hands by my ears in a feeble attempt to keep the sidler insect at bay. This was the moment I stepped in horse poop.

As I took in the smell of nature (and cleaned it off my shoes), I was annoyed with the rude rider who ignored the "Please clean up after your pets" sign that was clearly posted at the beginning of the trail.

After the poo, I sat down on a bench (lest I step in anymore). I was trying to take in the sights of nature (picture below). Pretty boring, huh? That's what I thought too.

Determining that the marrow of my life is not in the woods, I fished my iPod from my bag and gleefully walked by to my car to the soothing sounds of "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas, deeming nature sooo "two thousand late."

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one back to the city.
~Reigning Frog

Senator Nanny Fine?

2008-12-13T14:44:00.004-05:00

Miss Fine!

In what sounds like a rejected script from the TV show The Nanny, Fran Drescher is tossing her DKNY hat (bought on sale at Loehmann's, no doubt) in the ring to replace Hillary Clinton as the junior Senator from New York state.

Wuh?

I don't support the idea anymore than Mr. Sheffield would, and here's why:

Since Roger Clinton is the Sheffield's neighbor, Hillary will still be in the picture. Hillary and C.C. have a lot in common-- namely that nobody can stand either of them.
The probability is high that Fran will wear disguises to gain access to congressional meetings that she's not invited to. That may work in catching a husband, but not in governing a nation.
Fran has a known Doppelgänger (Bobbi Flekman), so we would always be wondering if the real Fran Fine is standing up.
As Mr. Sheffield can attest, Fran has a knack for losing precious documents (such as an original excerpt of Shakespeare). Could she really be trusted near the Constitution and Declaration of Independence?
Fran is easily swayed by the mere mention of Barbra Streisand's name; therefore we can assume that she's an easy target for bribery.

I think with these reasons (and many others) it's abundantly clear that the U.S. Senate is no place for a nanny.

Rosie O'Donnell in the Morning

2008-11-29T14:24:00.002-05:00

Anyone else think this is NOT photoshopped?

We're through

2008-11-19T22:10:00.001-05:00

NaBloPoMo, I'm breaking up with you. I'm tired of your demands. I'm gonna blog when I want to blog.

The Best $4.25 I Never Spent

2008-11-17T20:34:00.002-05:00

Cola Shampoo

2008-11-15T17:20:00.004-05:00

Even I wouldn't have thought of this.

That's not to say that I don't want this badly;
I just wouldn't have thought of it.

Might Be the Night Fever

2008-11-13T21:17:00.002-05:00

This 1985 photo of Princess Diana dancing with John Travolta at a ball thrown by Ronald Reagan has always boggled me. In fact, if this photo didn't pre-date PhotoShop (and there wasn't a ton of video footage of them dancing), I'd suspect it was fake.

Yes, strangeness abounds with this particular photo. As a quick example, there's the whole "Why is John Travolta at a White House function?" thing. His career had pretty much flatlined by this time (until Look Who's Talking came out in 1989). Can you blame us, really? I mean, we were still recovering from Staying Alive for crying out loud!

Also, there's the whole celebrity/politics thing. Perhaps it's just an urban legend, but I'm pretty sure that the universe falls out of alignment if a celebrity attends any kind of Republican function.

And while many celebrities often feel that they are royalty, actual royalty (and most Kennedys) hold no such illusions. To see the Princess of Wales even in the same room with Danny Zuko is very strange.

In fact, there are so many strange things about this scenario, that it creates a near "when pigs fly" phenomena. If not for this photo, I might walk around saying: "I'll stop eating meat when Vinnie Barbarino dances with the Princess of Wales on the floor of the White House!"

I'm Your #1 Fan

2008-11-12T22:23:00.004-05:00

Excuse me, Mr. Elderflower Unperfumed Eye Gel--

can I have your autograph?

Intrigue

2008-11-11T18:23:00.004-05:00

It's not often that a brand new shampoo comes out.

I am intrigued!

Simmering Inadequacy

2008-11-10T20:21:00.010-05:00

There's nothin' like a little trip to Williams-Sonoma to make you realize how inadequate you, your kitchen, and probably your whole life are. I was there yesterday scoping out the ~~outrageous~~ new kitchen gadgets Santa might want to bring Martha Stewart. Let's see what I discovered...

A truffle shaver. I don't know how much this is, but I do know that truffles sell for about $130-380/pound. (Not bad for fungus.) Even at that price, does anyone really need a truffle shaver? Is there no other EXISTING tool that could do the job? [scratching head]

Moving on...

Aww, how cute. If you're gonna juice a lemon, I suppose having a little birdy helping could be kind of fun. But for some reason this thing reminds me of Lady Bird Johnson, and I just can't get past it.

Oh, here's something I actually really like and do want for myself:

A pink grapefruit cooking candle.

But not for $24.50!

After browsing all of the shelves, I left--empty handed--feeling like I've accomplished nothing in life. Maybe if I buy that truffle shaver, I will regain a little dignity.

Space Jam

2008-11-09T23:41:00.003-05:00

Hi, NaBloPoMo, I'm kind of tired and was real busy today, so I am just posting a picture of some farm fresh jelly I bought this summer at at the Bidwell Farmer's Market. You and I both know that I'm only doing this to take up space and say I blogged today, but you did say that all I have to do is blog every day-- you never said it had to be good.

Shampoo for Teeth

2008-11-08T13:20:00.007-05:00

I've been on a mission to take better care of my teeth. I'd like to keep them for awhile, and I figure that they're getting older, so they may need some extra T.L.C.

But, I'm also pretty lazy, so I was looking for something to take care of my teeth that takes little to no effort (preferably no effort). Well, leave it to Walgreens to inspire me. "Free" by "Register Rewards" last month was a giant bottle of Crest Pro Health mouthwash.

Side note: "Register Rewards" are an awesome secret at Walgreens. It's when you buy an item, and then you get a coupon for the total amount of that item that can be used for anything on your next Walgreens visit. In this case, I bought the mouthwash for $4.50 (minus $1.00 with a Crest coupon). Walgreens then gave me a coupon for $4.50 to use on anything my heart desired the next time I shopped at Walgreens (I'm sure my heart desired a new shampoo). Note, with the $1.00 Crest coupon, it was actually a profitable transaction!

Anyhoo, I've been using the mouthwash, and I have to say that I really like it. It's kind of fun, and I look forward to using it. It almost seems like shampoo for teeth, and so it makes me smile.

Pepé Lu Lu

2008-11-07T22:00:00.003-05:00

If only I had seen this a week ago,

Lulu would have had a badass Halloween costume.

Honey I Shrunk the Kids' Pool

2008-11-07T16:18:00.004-05:00

I took this photo at the Buffalo & Erie County Botanical Gardens recently, and there's something about it that I just love. For awhile I was unable to put my finger on exactly what I like so much about it. Then it hit me. It looks like it could be a swimming pool for the kids in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!

Easy Off?

2008-11-06T21:30:00.005-05:00

I am terrified of cleaning my oven. Does that make me crazy or lazy?

Seriously, I am afraid. Of what, I'm not sure. Perhaps blowing it up (even though it's electric); perhaps burning the skin off my hands with mysterious oven cleaning acid.

I'm not sure where this fear came from, but it is very deep-seeded. In fact, can I make a confession? I've never cleaned my oven. I've moved before I ever needed to, or someone else did it for me. In fact, how often are you supposed to clean an oven?

These are the things I think about while I should be cleaning my oven.

Colonel Mustard Electoral Map

2008-11-05T19:42:00.003-05:00

The results are in on the Colonel Mustard vote at The Willful Caboose. Check it out!

We Interrupt This Broadcast...

2008-11-04T14:41:00.006-05:00

...Beep...Beep....Beep

We interrupt the ~~hysteria~~ coverage of the 2008 Presidential election to bring you this important announcement: Buffalo Sabres coach Lindy Ruff is running for the nickname "Colonel Mustard" at The Willful Caboose, the New York Times's premier hockey blog.

I am proud to endorse Lindy Ruff to be nicknamed "Colonel Mustard." Ruff has been serving the Buffalo Sabres in all of his yellowness since 1997, and is frequently dressed in grilled cheese-hued clothing. Lindy originally hales from Canada, where the mustard might look the same, but probably tastes just a little different.

I urge you to make history on this day, and vote "Yay" on Issue Colonel Mustard.

Ode to Fall Back

2008-11-02T09:48:00.008-05:00

Fall Back, your extra hour is more beautiful
than a blooming orchid.

Fall Back, your tranquility is like a Cosmo
drunk out of a pink polka dot glass.

Fall Back, your awesomeness surpasses that of a
polar bear doing the backstroke.

Fall Back, the joy you add to my life is like
the smile of this Canadian mannequin.

Fall Back, I love you...

"C" Is For Carrot, And That's OK With Me (In This One Case)

2008-11-01T13:52:00.006-04:00

Hi, I'm here today to talk to you about carrots. Now, I know that this may seem strange after my recent post about the [still can't discuss it] soup, but it's OK. This time the veggies are in shampoo (and safe from eating).

Check out this beauty: Pampering Carrot Juice Shampoo by Yes to Carrots (available at Walgreens). [sparkle, audible "ding"]

Pamper your hair, it does. This is a completely perfect shampoo and highly recommended by me. I l.o.v.e. it.

In spite of its artificial Tang-like color, it is surprisingly healthy-feeling. And, not only does it have carrots in it, but also sweet potato and pumpkin. (Perfect for this time of year!)

Also, if you're like me and struggle to eat your veggies, I figure that you're bound to pick up a vitamin or two if your shampoo is made from carrots. So give it a try!

MacGyver's Halloween Costumes

2008-10-30T17:38:00.007-04:00

I'm struggling with ideas for a Halloween costume. It's times like this that I wish I was more like Macgyver. I just know that he could turn some things I have around the house into an awesome get up. Look what he did last year, for instance.

He took some duct tape, Q-tips, and an old pair of moon boots and made this costume:

Chewbacca!

Word on the street is that this year he is going for this look...

...taking a banana clip, paper towels, and a stapler to dress as...Liberace!

I'm so jealous. This pales in comparison to my cat ears headband.

A Vegan Nightmare

2008-10-29T23:09:00.004-04:00

One of my tiny daily joys when I get to work is receiving an email from a nearby restaurant listing the soups of the day. They are usually delicious and tasty sounding and make me smile. But today there was a new one-- a very bad one. And it has scarred me for life. Seriously, I'm afraid that I have some kind of post traumatic soup disorder. Today's soup was...oh, I can barely even type it...vegan Brussel sprout. [Aaahhhhh!]

I was so emotional after reading my morning email that I just had to find comfort. I looked at a lot of Google images of meat, checked People.com's headlines, and even thought about shampoo. But the thing that was finally able to calm my nerves was this lovely piece of winter apparel shown below-- a bacon scarf! Behold the healing powers of bacon...

My Favorite Dow Jones Photo

2008-10-28T20:03:00.004-04:00

Of all the photos of stockmarket guys that CNN posts at 4:00:01 PM everyday, this one is my favorite. CNN has posted a veritable pantheon of investor emoticons over the last several weeks, from the guy in tears to the guy with his hands on his forehead in dismay. But this guy here--with his fast-food-menu-gazing style--seems to me to represent the average person. I love this guy. I'm gonna make this my new desktop.

LypSyl Lip Balm

2008-10-27T13:01:00.002-04:00

I'm on a beauty product kick...

Free by rebate last month at Walgreens was this cute little lip balm that I had never heard of. I bought it (got my rebate) and have been using it every morning for about three weeks. I have to say, I like it. But the thing I like most, and the reason that I'm recommending everyone buy it, is because it has a tiny bee that you use to slide the lip balm up and down. It's too cute to be missed. Go buy some right now.

Beauty Product Review: Origins Peace of Mind

2008-10-24T16:11:00.002-04:00

This is my current favorite beauty product in the entire world. (It's not even really a beauty product-- it's more of a "feel like you're at a spa when you can't afford to go" product). It's called Peace of Mind by Origins. It costs $10.00 and will last a super long time since you only use 3 drops at a time. It's pleasantly minty and tingly. You rub a few drops on your fingers, then massage the back of your neck or temples or forehead for instant (albeit fleeting) bliss.

Diaphragm Clip Art

2008-10-23T23:51:00.004-04:00

My job requires me to search for a lot of clip art. Normal clip art-- nothing weird. But sometimes the results that come up from my perfectly normal searches just baffle me. Take this one, for example, (which came up after searching the word "gentle"):

WHAT is this? A diaphragm? The inside of an eyeball? An aborted fetus? Whatever it is, I suppose the hands are being gentle with it. But does it really matter?...

Me Me Me Me

2008-10-22T18:53:00.002-04:00

So, I've been tagged by Flack and Proud to post random crap about myself. (I wasn't going to start doing that until NaBloPoMo, but this will give me a head start.) Here goes:

I love swimming pools. I don't own one, but it is my dream to own a maintenance-free one someday. I am the type of person who takes her bathing suit to a hotel just in case there's a pool. And I'm not shy about making friends with people who have pools, so be careful what you wish for if you invite me over and you own a pool-- I may not leave.
I do not eat the buns on hamburgers or hot dogs. Never have, never will. I acknowledge that it is totally weird, but cannot deny who I am.
I have an ongoing love affair with Walgreens. The exclusive shampoos, the weekly ad saver, the monthly rebates [swoon]-- they take my breath away.
I am a rabid Howard Stern fan. I've been listening to his radio show ever since I saw his movie in the '90's. I got Sirius satellite radio as a gift when Howard made the switch, and I still listen every day. I even leave the radio on while I'm at work so my pets can hear Howard.
Unlike many girls, I am not into shoes and jewelry. I mean, I own some of each, and they're nice, but they're just not as awesome as shampoo.
Where did the shampoo thing come from? I don't know. I've kind of always been into shampoo, but it really exploded once I lived on my own, and doesn't show any signs of slowing down.
I love to watch TV as I fall asleep. I find it very comforting. I especially love when I wake up in the middle of the night with plenty of time left to sleep. I'll turn the TV on, set the sleep timer for a half hour, and cuddle up with a Monk or Iron Chef America rerun on the DVR. Simple pleasures...

Rehabication

2008-07-16T08:20:00.006-04:00

So, I have a couple weeks of vacation coming up, and I've decided that I'm going to the coolest, hippest destination-du-jour of the stars-- rehab! I mean, where else can you score an autograph these days?

My itinerary came in the mail yesterday, and here's a glimpse of the fun I'll be having:

Day 1

9:00 AM - Breakfast and pain meds with Jeff Conaway

9:15 AM - Weep uncontrollably with Jeff Conaway

12:00 Noon - Lunch with a round of "Guess the Baldwin Brother" (Will it be Daniel or Stephen joining me? I can't wait to find out!)

1:00 PM - Massage with my soon-to-be-pal Heather Locklear (Jack Wagner is my special guest star masseuse!)

2:00 PM - Gossip session with Kirsten Dunst (She'll be teaching people how to kiss upside down, be pale, and smoke.)

3:00 PM - Scarf-Microphone dancing lessons, courtesy of Steven Tyler

4:00 PM - Eva Mendes will present "Why I am Famous"

5:00 PM - Early bird dinner with Dennis Hopper, followed by bus driving lessons

6:00 PM - Sneak peak at the pilot episode of the new reality series, "The Even Couple" starring Amy Winehouse and Jeff Conaway

7:00 PM - Sext message seminar by Lindsay Lohan-- a great way to add romance to any fake lesbian relationship

8:00 PM - A game of spin the (non-alcoholic) bottle with the two Coreys

9:00 PM - Optional head shaving, care of Britney Spears

10:00 PM - Lights Out

10:01 PM - Leave rehab and head to Vegas

I'll be sure to post some pics!

Trump Wing Sauce?

2008-07-15T17:51:00.008-04:00

There's a bit of excitement buzzing around my homestead of Buffalo thanks to this HUGE yacht docked at Erie Basin Marina called "Gran Finale."

Now, Buffalo is a rather shy town, and certainly not accustomed to the pomp and circumstance the comes with a 147' pimped-out yacht, complete with a hot tub and elevator. People here are caring far less about the boat (and it's 14,800 gallon gas tank-- that will cost almost $70,000 for the owner to fill 'er up) and much more about who owns it.

There are no definitive answers on any of the Internets about the dinghy's owner, but it is rumored to be Ivana Trump's. And since her ex-husband twice removed has an affinity for naming everything from Zambonis to bottled water after his moniker, the locals are wondering if we will soon have a Trump wing sauce-- the best-est and most expensive wing sauce in the entire world packaged in a gold bottle. A spicy Trump wing sauce could certainly give new meaning to the phrase, "You're fired!"

For more photos see my Gran Finale Flickr set.

The Tale of Andy Garcia's Conjoined Twin

2008-07-10T11:43:00.008-04:00

When I was a kid I loved to hear ghost stories. "Where is my Golden Arm?" and anything from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark were always the best. As I got a little older, my interest in stories shifted to the more scandalous world of Hollywood. But I'm not sure that it was a huge leap-- after all, there are some pretty scary tales coming out of Tinsel Town (but let's not turn this into a post about Britney or Amy).

One Hollywood urban legend that always intrigued me was hearing that Andy Garcia was born with a conjoined twin. 'Could this really be true?' I wondered. I'd heard about it for years on Howard Stern's radio show, and even chuckled as Howard joked that Andy's softball-sized sibling got all the personality. (Andy is notoriously private, and is often perceived as rude by the media.) But this story has always kind of haunted me. So I did some research, and The Powers That Be (you know, the Internet) say that this story is TRUE! Andy Garcia had a sibling removed from his shoulder at birth. Rumor has it that the twin Garcia was never viable, but I believe otherwise.

Now, it could just be one of those ghost stories that I'm so fond of, but I do have it on good authority that Andy Garcia's pint-sized twin is not only alive and well, but that he's also in showbiz. I even found a family photo, which you can see here.

That's right-- Andy Garcia's twin is none other than the world-famous Aflac duck, Gilbert Gottfried. Who knew?

Shampoo Review: Aura Pure

2008-07-08T19:36:00.005-04:00

Aveda products are my all time favorite beauty products. If I purchased all of the Aveda products that I want to, the total cost would be equal to the gross domestic product of a South American nation. So until I win the lottery or Aveda starts to just give me their products, I need to improvise where I can. For example, at my shampoo playground (Sally Beauty Supply) a "generic" version of Aveda exists at a drastically lower price than the real thing. It's called Aura. Aveda products are all natural, and Aura products seem to have a lot of chemicals in them that mimic the natural-ness of Aveda products, because the scent is pretty darn close.

So here is my review of Aura's Pure shampoo, which is the doppelgänger for Aveda's Shampure.

Aveda Shampure = $19.00, Aura Pure = $5.00

Reigning Frog's Verdict: You get what you pay for.

Who knew snakes poo?

2008-07-07T12:18:00.004-04:00

At a recent visit to the zoo I had the misfortune of stumbling upon a display with multiple choice questions asking, "Whose poop is this?" This one was the best (and the worst):

So, whose poo do you think this is? Your choices are Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Steve-O, or an emerald tree boa. And the answer is...

The least obvious choice-- the emerald tree boa. According to the zoo display, the white part is crystalized urine, making this a pee-poo combination. Ick.

Who?

2008-07-02T12:21:00.005-04:00

Who is this Hayden Penitentiary person, and why does People magazine seem to care about her so much?

Actually, I could truly care less who Hayden is and what show she's on. I accept the fact that I'm getting older and will simply be out of touch with large segments of pop culture catering to those younger than me. I just hope it never gets embarrassingly bad-- like the time a professor of mine from college was reading an article to the class (late 1990's) and asked, "Does anyone know who this 'Oprah Winfrey' person is?" Umm...

Seriously, how is that possible?!

Lulu's New Head Shots

2008-06-30T12:20:00.003-04:00

Lulu has a couple of new head shots from her modeling agency. If you'd like an autographed copy please send Snausages to Buffalo, NY. Please allow 6 weeks for delivery, as her summer schedule is quite booked.

Overboard

2008-06-29T00:36:00.004-04:00

I just don't see the need to market American Idol via deodorant. And this is coming from someone who still hoards items from Jessica Simpson's now defunct Dessert beauty line.

Goin' to the Wax Chapel

2008-06-28T10:42:00.007-04:00

Loni Anderson is getting married to someone she met when she was a teenager. If you're like me, you could care less. But it reminded me of her beyond-saga of a divorce from Burt Reynolds.
.
Ah, here's a photo of Burt & Loni in all their 1988 newly-wedded bliss... Who would have guessed that this marriage would fail when the bride and groom look like they stepped out of Madame Tussauds wax museum?

I heard a rumor that problems started between the couple as early as the reception when Loni wanted Burt to throw his toupee instead of her garter. But you know how these Hollywood rumors go. It's probably all true...
.

Lip Service

2008-06-23T00:10:00.003-04:00

This is a highly recommended beauty product by me: Mary Kay's Satin Lips Lip Mask. I'm a big fan of beauty products that are masks (face masks, hair masks-- just not the Jim Carrey Mask).

But I recommend this product with a warning. Should you ever buy this, or any other Mary Kay product, you will need to go through a Mary Kay sales rep. And then you will need to enter the Mark Kay Purchase Protection Program and live under an assumed name for the rest of your life. But for as soft as your lips feel after using this, it might just be worth moving to a new town so that your sales rep can be one step closer to a pink Ford Escort.

Scurvy

2008-06-17T15:12:00.003-04:00

The following is an excerpt from an actual email conversation between me and my Best Blog Friend Forever (BBFF):

RF: Scurvy. I know it's a disease, but it's a word that sums up how I feel when I see [Amy Winehouse's] pics lately.

BBFF: I think the term you're looking for is "skeevy."

RF: No, I really mean "scurvy." I feel like I need vitamins after looking at her.

BBFF: I feel like I need penicillin.

Fun with Pictures

2008-06-16T16:16:00.009-04:00

Check out this photo I found of Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear from their 1986 wedding. (If I didn't just tell you that they were married in 1986, wouldn't you have guessed it anyway?)

Other than the obvious, several things made me laugh about this photo, and I thought we could have a little fun examining this photo in depth. For example, check this out...

Maybe he's born with it, or maybe it's Maybelline, but I think a good rule of thumb is that the groom should not wear more makeup than the bride. Call me old-fashioned.

And then there's this:

Heather's dress reminds me so much of the one the Linda Kozlowski wore in Crocodile Dundee that I had to wonder if they were cut from the same cloth? (...Or lack there of?)

And lastly, look closely at Tommy's jeans near Heather's foot. Do you see what I see (and what everyone else saw on the Internet thanks to Pam Anderson?)

Now, I can't be sure. It could just be a shadow, but from what we know about Tommy the "skinny jeans" fad was probably pretty revealing. Let's see if we can catch a closer look:

And there you have it, today's Fun with Pictures!

Pink Panther on Velvet

2008-06-13T00:04:00.009-04:00

Feast your eyes on this photo of an actual piece of artwork outside the lavatory of a restaurant that I recently patronized. It is a masterpiece!

While it gives me great pleasure to share this photo with the world on my meager blog, I cannot emphasize enough that this photo in no way does justice to this magnificent display of a toilet scene captured on velvet.

Several things stood out to me as I was lucky enough to view the piece in person. Not only is the Pink Panther smoking while he takes a poo (seemingly hungover), he also grasps his tail with gumption. And gumption he will need to reach the toilet paper inconvieniently located behind the tank. To me this seemed to symbolize the challenges that panthers of pink color face every day-- especially when they are hungover.

Observe the panther's pot belly, in spite of his slim physique. Does this not seem like a commentary on man's struggle to find balance between protein and carbs-- a battle which no one will ever win.

Let your eyes gaze lower. Notice the missing velvet in the lower left corner? Some viewer was obviously as taken as I, and cut a piece for his or her own pleasure. How could he not?

In fact, I shan't even disclose the location of the restaurant in which this hangs. What structure could possibly hold the certain stampede of viewers that would rush to see this truly awesome art?

I hope that you will enjoy gazing at this masterpiece as much as I did.

Turtle Park by the Light of Day

2008-06-12T11:52:00.009-04:00

In my hometown of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, there is a park where I used to play as a little girl. It's called "Turtle Park" because of the giant turtle in the sandbox where I built my sandcastles. Turtle Park had it's own 15 minutes of fame in the spring of 1986 when Michael J. Fox was in town filming a little-known movie called "Light of Day."

The movie barely saw the light of day, and I've always suspected that it was because Joan Jett performed the main title. (The producers should have used '80's soundtrack mogul Kenny Loggins if they wanted a hit movie.)

But anyway, here's a recent picture of Turtle Park. I can still picture Michael J. Fox sitting there near the giant turtle.

Pass the Coppertone

2008-06-11T23:08:00.002-04:00

Lulu is in her bikini and ready for summer. We have it on good faith that she's sure to be the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue this year.

The Divorce-ipation of Mimi

2008-06-10T20:17:00.005-04:00

I don't have much faith that Mariah Carey's marriage to Nick Cannon is going to last. Does that make my cynical? Gosh, I really hate to be cynical about celebrities. After all, they're people too! Oh, I don't know... I don't think I'm being cynical, but I better look at all the facts before I jump to any conclusions.

Let's look at all the evidence that would support M & N having a long lasting union. That means we'll have to ignore Glitter, her emotional breakdown, the fact that she has a name for her "true inner self--" but that's OK, we'll just look the other way.

OK, well, they did fall in love while filming a music video. On camera is a great way to see someone's true self. Just ask Ben Affleck regarding Jennifer Lopez.

Also, six weeks later when they married, they symbolized their union with tattoos. That worked well for Pam & Tommy, so why not Mariah & Nick?

And, they say that they plan to have a wedding every year (another thing that Pam Anderson is also doing, but I digress). If an annual wedding is not a vision of true love, then I don't know what is.

So there it is, all the evidence I need to know that Mariah & Nick may indeed have a long and lasting union. I guess I was just being cynical. Silly me...

I hope she has Geico

2008-06-09T14:01:00.004-04:00

Britney Spears has been involved in, not one-- not two, not three, not four, not five-- but SIX accidents in the last year. And I'm only talking about the ones involving a vehicle (and not the ones like her 2007 VMA performance).

At this point, it's just too easy to pick on Brit. So I think I'll leave her alone for awhile and let this photo speak for itself.

But WOW is she entertaining!

Season Premier

2008-06-09T13:46:00.007-04:00

So, I've returned from my six-month blogging hiatus. Where have I been, and what have I been doing? (My two loyal readers are dying to know.) Well, it's a tale of controversy, adventure, and sex. Here's the Cliff's Notes version:

First, I observed the writer's strike-- the same one that killed my reconciliation with Desperate Housewives following a lackluster Season 3.

I read Tori Spelling's biography and learned that Terrence Trent D'Arby is the reason she's happily married today. (More on this later...)

I booked an agent for Lulu-- we're taking her show on the road.

I launched a campaign to get Pantene to do some R&D on "Mantene," an acceptable shampoo for men.

I watched all sex and a half seasons of Sex and the City. I'd never seen it due to a lack of HBO, but Netflix helped to cure that.

I discovered Facebook-- and that took up five of the six months of my hiatus.

So, I'm back to blog about pop culture, shampoo, and--sometimes-- my life.

Houdini Action Figure

2007-12-21T23:09:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't it be funny if you ordered this Houdini action figure and when it arrived the box was empty because the action figure escaped?

Like the antogonist in a Mentos commercial, you'd ultimately have to give a thumbs up to that antic.

Adiós Aruba

2007-12-18T13:53:00.000-05:00

What is Greta Van Susteren going to do with her life now that the Natalee Holloway case is closed?

Oh, Come On!!!

2007-12-17T23:58:00.000-05:00

Headline: Pamela Anderson Divorcing Rick Salomon

Pam, you've always been a bit much, but this is just too much. Why get married, only to file for divorce months later? You've done this before.

Also--Rick Salomon? What makes you think he's "the one" (especially when he's probably the 247th? It certainly doesn't add to your case that he's previously been with Paris Hilton and Shannen Dougherty; they aren't exactly pillars of virtue (or mental stability). Pam, Pam, Pam, who's gonna be next, K-Fed?

The Marlboro Raisin

2007-11-30T11:50:00.001-05:00

Check out this piece of clipart I found...what the hell is it? A raisin smoking a carrot? That's what it looks like to me. (I've always said carrots are bad for you). If you put a cowboy hat on this raisin, the Marlboro Man would be out of a job.

K-Fed: Father of the Year

2007-11-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

This just in... America's Finest News Source, The Onion, has completed a hostile takeover of Details magazine and published a spoof issue declaring K-Fed "Father of the Year."

Un-ion

2007-11-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

The English language sure can be contradictory at times. I had a discussion about this last night while spending some time with my boyfriend and his long-time friend at one of my favorite local establishments (I again recommend the London Broil should you ever dine there). Anyway, Boyfriend and Friend shared a theory with me developed when they were in high school that the word "union" should really be pronounced like "onion." The rules of phonics certainly seem to support this theory, so I indulged the idea in my mind, and this is what I came up with:

The War Between the States was fought to preserve the Onion.
Marriage is an onion between a man and a woman.
Onions have been the source of many labor disputes, such as the current writer's onion strike.
Many gay couples opt to partake in onion ceremonies since they cannot legally marry.
Onion College was founded in 1795.
Onion Pacific was one of the first railroads in the nation.
Credit onions are a popular investment.

I think I like it!

Easter at Christmas?

2007-11-23T13:23:00.000-05:00

Even though the turkeys are still warm from Thanksgiving, the Christmas season is officially upon us. One decoration I've seen this year that I just don't understand is the Lighted Soft Tinsel Yellow Bird. Nothing says "Ho Ho Ho" like a spring chick.

Thanksgiving Philosophy

2007-11-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

So, today is Thanksgiving, and across the nation turkeys are being stuffed, pies are being baked, and cranberries are coming out of the can. It's a joyous time-- a day to let go of our worries from the other 364 days of the year (like expanding waistlines, overdue bills, and why the hell Marie Osmond is still on Dancing with the Stars). So, just for today, give yourself permission to let it all go, and get drunk on wine and egg nog. Happy Thanksgiving!

Carol's Earrings

2007-11-20T19:46:00.000-05:00

Hey, look, the Metropolitan Museum of Art found Carol Brady's earrings that Cindy took during an adolescent moment and lost in a towel. Another Brady caper solved...

Bee-autiful

2007-11-19T18:18:00.000-05:00

Would it surprise anyone if I said I wanted this honey shampoo? I do-- badly. It would match my runny honey bodywash so perfectly! And combined with my chocolate shampoo...oh my God!

Wishlist!

Happy 1st Birthday to My Blog!

2007-11-18T09:25:00.000-05:00

The Rumer Mill

2007-11-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

I heard it through the grapevine that Rumer Glenn Willis is actually a transgendered Charlie Brown come to life. I didn't really believe this, but it was confirmed by playing the telephone game with a friend at recess, so it must be true.

Regardless of whether or not Rumer is a SHim Charlie Brown, one thing is certain-- she is a classic butterface.

(Advice to Rumer: Honey, put your Mom's plastic surgeon on speed dial. Luckily, money is no object.)

A Warning to Turkeys Everywhere

2007-11-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

Things I hate for no particular reason, but I hate them

2007-11-13T15:54:00.000-05:00

The creepy CBS eye logo

Busosines

Writing the lower case letter "g"

Trucker gear as a fashion statement

The symbol for the bass cleff (treble is so much prettier)

Me

2007-11-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

I am the type of person who would travel the world and come home with a million pictures of McDonald's.

Statue of Perseus

2007-11-10T16:10:00.000-05:00

I was really surprised when I saw the statue of Perseus with the Head of Medusa at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that it didn't look anything like Harry Hamlin. The sculptor never saw Clash of the Titans?! Did he live under a rock?

You make me want a better robe

2007-11-09T10:34:00.000-05:00

God help me, I LOVE this picture of Jack Nicholson in a leopard-print robe. I was wondering where one might find a robe such as this, so I partook in a brief Google journey to see what I could find. It turns out that, like the man himself, Nicholson's robe is a one-of-a-kind, because the closest thing I could find is this:

Lemon Shower Caps

2007-11-08T12:57:00.000-05:00

I've always been a fan of the little cheesecloth shower caps that fancy restaurants put on their lemons so that seeds don't get in your food when you squeeze the juice. They are up on my list with drink umbrellas and minty ice cubes.

WANTED!

2007-11-06T12:42:00.000-05:00

I want this I want this I want this, but not for $20.00.

I'm going to ask Santa for this.

But in the meantime I keep looking at it and wanting it...

My Two Part Nap

2007-11-06T08:24:00.001-05:00

I am truly exhausted lately because I've been working a lot. (Of all times for NaBloPoMo to fall!!!) But yesterday I made some headway in recovering with what was possibly THE best nap of my life. It was so wonderful, there were two parts to it. Part One took place on the couch, and Part Two happened in my bed.

Part one began after dinner, with no hint of napping to come. I was sitting on the couch, enjoying a glass of wine, listening to the day's replay of Howard Stern. At some point I drifted into a land of bliss-- that lovely thing called sleep we all love so much. After an unknown amount of time, I woke up, only because I was slightly chilly.

And so begins Part Two. With very little effort, and absolutely no guilt, I floated upstairs to my bed, tucked myself under the covers, and fell into a near coma for hours. I woke up at 9:15 PM to the sound of a lovely November rain (the weather, not the song; although the song is lovely too.) And I was happy...

I Can't Believe It's Butter Coffee

2007-11-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

Look how tired I am. I put butter in my coffee this morning instead of sugar. (Don't judge. You might do the same some day.)

I'll admit, I'm kind of tempted to try this and see how it tastes. I love butter, as I've haiku-ed before. Maybe this was a Freudian slip and I really wanted to put butter in my coffee. Maybe I just invented the next new fad-- Butter Coffee, available at ButterBucks.

[time lapse]

OK, never mind. Greasy, salty coffee is not that good, even when made with real butter. But in the future, if you ever see butter coffee on the menu at Starbucks, you'll know where they got the idea.

My secret Cosmo recipe

2007-11-03T18:23:00.001-04:00

I've been told I make a great Cosmo, and I concur. A good Cosmo is just what I need after a long day's work, or to celebrate being in the company of good friends. So, in the spirit of Saturday night, I'm willing to share my personal recipe, which has been perfected over one full year of trial and error.

Let's start with the ingredients. You'll need vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, and a big slice of fresh lime.

Vodka: Unlike many people, I don't get my panties in a bunch about the brand of vodka I use. Svedka is my preference, because it's cheap, but still good. Sure, I'd love to use Grey Goose or Belvedere, but don't really see the point since it's being mixed. Plus, I'm a bargain hunter, so I will use whatever is on sale, or even a bottom-of-the-barrel brand in a pinch so long as I don't exceed the formula of "Cosmo with cheap vodka greater than or equal to 2 equates to painful hangover." In short, get yourself some vodka, but don't sweat the brand.

Triple sec: I am again unlike most people here. I care tremendously about the brand of triple sec used in my Cosmo. Hiram Walker has the best flavor triple sec on the market, in my opinion, and it's about $7.99 for a bottle that will last forever. It's worth the extra $2 to upgrade from Mr. Boston.

Cranberry juice: Caution, as Brian Regan has pointed out, cranberries are getting into all the juices lately. You want 100% cranberry juice for a Cosmo. Not CranApple or CranGrape or CranRaspberry or CranCherry or CranMango or CranAnything else. Just plain old Cranberry juice. Ocean Spray is preferred, but not essential. I use Wegmans brand, and it's delicious.

Fresh Lime Slice: When I say a slice, I mean a real slice. Not the lime sliver what you get in a bar. I've determined that fresh lime is THE essential ingredient to a good Cosmo.

Recipe:

2 full jiggers of vodka
1 full jigger of triple sec
1 full jigger of cranberry juice
The juice of 1 lime slice

Combine all ingredients with ice in a shaker. Shake well, pour (filtering out the ice) into your favorite martini glass, and enjoy!

Happy Saturday!

Beta Blows

2007-11-02T13:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Yahoo mail Beta,

I have a complaint-- I hate you. I used to like the original you, but you've gotten too big for your britches. All you do is slow down my Internets and tell me I have email when I don't. The competition is so much better than you.

Signed,
Disgruntled in Buffalo

Are seeing eye dogs trained to pick up their own poop?

2007-11-01T17:46:00.000-04:00

I decided to start NaBloPoMo with everyone's favorite topic...poop. Recently I was in a restaurant enjoying a meal with friends. While they were discussing some heady topics, like the Middle East peace process, I was doing what I do best-- daydream. At one point during the meal, two blind people walked into the restaurant with a pair of seeing eye dogs. I awoke from my daydream to notice the special canines, and I was mesmerized. I love animals.

My friends continued to save the world with discussions of possible cures for cancer and ways to end our nation's dependence on oil, but I kept looking at the dogs. After a moment, while one friend was offering a formula for an AIDS vaccine, a thought occured to me...who picks up the poo of seeing eye dogs? Seriously, who? These dogs, special as they are, do not have opposable thumbs. I'm pretty sure that means they can't pick up after themselves. I don't think the blind owner can do it either (without a lot of wetnaps). So who does it? Perhaps there is an exemption in the law mandating the pickup of dog poop if it comes from a seeing eye dog? In my mind, that's the answer.

So next time you frolic at your favorite local park and step in dog doo-- before you get annoyed-- stop and say, "I bet this came from a seeing eye dog."

What's really under the Arby's cowboy hat?

2007-10-18T13:39:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or can the Arby's logo look

a little phallic at times?

Too much effort

2007-10-15T13:07:00.000-04:00

I've always wondered what my IQ is; not because I think I'm a genius, but because I'm nosey. I've never taken a test, so I could be another Einstein (or Forest Gump) for all I know!

So last night I tried to take one online. I got to the first question. It was one of those classic algebra questions about a pipe filling a tub while another is draining it...when will the tub be full? Within a second I decided it was just way too much effort to take the test. So, does that make me stupid or lazy? I'm pretty sure my laziness quotient is very high. I still don't know about my intelligence, though.

Why are IQ tests all about math and other junk anyway? How practical is filling a bathtub that is, at the same time, draining? Why can't I take a quiz identifying celebrity mug shots, matching shampoos with their ad slogans, and identifying Brady Bunch episodes within the first 10 seconds? That is where my true gifts are. If I wasn't so lazy, maybe I'd come up with an IQ test of this nature. Sigh...

Christie Brinkley Calls for the End of Nuclear Proliferation

2007-10-12T09:01:00.000-04:00

Christie Brinkley says we shouldn't have nukes. Well, ok, then it's time to listen if Christie Brinkley says so. I know that when I think of Christie Brinkley, I think CoverGirl, Total Home Gym, Uptown Girl, and the end of nuclear proliferation. I don't know why she didn't speak up sooner.

His Prerogative

2007-10-11T11:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it was reported that Bobby Brown had a heart attack, but today the singer issued a statement denying any such nonsense. I'm so baffled by these mean reports about Bobby's ill health. I mean, look, Bobby is a real upstanding guy-- just ask Whitney.

You know, it's funny, there have been reports in the past that Bobby has done some very bad things, and he's had to deny those too. Extra-marital affairs, drug use, public intoxication, domestic violence, illegitimate children... Bobby said no to them all. And why shouldn't we believe him? It's not like he ever served jail time for any of these crimes.

What would lead us to believe that Bobby had a heart attack anyway? He's the picture of mind-body-soul balance. Since he's never done drugs, there's no reason to believe that years of snorting coke would strain his heart.

I, for one, believe you Bobby. I'll add your non-heart attack to a list with Michael Jackson denying that he's had plastic surgery, OJ affirming that he didn't kill anyone, and Bill Clinton not having sex with that woman-- Ms. Lewinsky. Don't worry, Bobby, I've got your back. Just get back to the studio and make more of that fabulous music of yours.

Wild Commentary

2007-10-07T21:42:00.000-04:00

Today I went to the Buffalo Zoo. While I was there, I noticed that many of the animals seemed deep in thought. I think I know what they were thinking. Take a look below.

Presenting Mr. & Mrs. C-3PO

2007-10-01T17:05:00.000-04:00

Super Model Kate Moss makes a fashion statement on the Red Carpet with her husband, Star Wars' own C-3PO.

Old Navy, PROUDLY Since 1994

2007-10-01T10:03:00.000-04:00

Whenever I’m sad, I know there’s a little place I can go to brighten my spirits. It’s full of color, comfort and cool pajamas. That place is Old Navy. With the best hoodies in town, trendy totes, and funky socks, it’s a shopper’s dream.

I thought it was a little strange, though, that ON adopted a motto similar to its parent company, The Gap, of saying when it was founded. (e.g. Gap, since 1969). But Old Navy was doing this in 1996, and they were founded in 1994. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't find it very effective to say "Trust us, we're 2 years old."

ON really takes pride in that 1994 thing. Was it such a great year? I remember it, and it was OK, but I certainly don't find myself saying very often, "Wow, I wish it was 1994 again!" Let's take a look at a few other things that happened in 1994 and see if Old Navy should be so proud:

Tanya Harding's husband and friend broke Nancy Kerrigan's knee cap mobster-style.
Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman were murdered (and their killer--whomever he may be--is still on the Juice... oops, I mean loose).
The Buffalo Bills lost their fourth consecutive Super Bowl.

I don't know, Old Navy, it may be time to adopt a new motto.

Things I Remember from the '80s...

2007-09-30T23:25:00.000-04:00

As a child growing up in the '80's, it was unavoidable that my life would be forever influenced by things like The Cosby Show, jelly bracelets, and crimped hair. 80's pop culture surrounded me daily from the age of three to thirteen, and I absorbed all of it.

Here's a few of my favorites:

Jarts. These lawn spears allowed for a more modern game of horseshoes (or miniature jousting). It was all fun and games until stupid people started to die from being impaled by the Jarts. Natural selection if you ask me.

Burple. A Kool Aid-like beverage that came in an accordion style container that "burped" when you expanded or contracted it. Orange flavor was the bomb!

Fluppy Dogs. Next to Care Bears and Cabbage Patch Dolls, Fluppy Dogs were IT for me! I had a lavender one. If I ever find it in my parents' attic, I will resurrect it as a bed mate.

Glamour Gals. Move over Barbie, these trendy ladies were fashionable, dated guys cuter than Ken, and drove a Firebird. I loved to take them apart and dive for their limbs in my cousin's swimming pool, then reassemble them. I admit to checking out Glamour Gals on eBay recently.

Richie Rich. Saturday mornings wouldn't have been the same without this totally '80's cartoon. I always wanted a Professor Keanbean of my own.

What did you love in the '80's?

Where's Wilford Brimley when you need him?

2007-09-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

Just found out yesterday that my sweet, baby angel of a cat, Mac, has feline diabetes (or Diabeetis if you're Wilford Brimley).
.

I hear that feline Diabeetis very manageable, and that insulin is rather inexpensive, especially through Liberty Medical. Nonetheless, I'm understandably worried, and am just wondering if any of you have first hand knowledge of treating a cat with this disease?

And now, for fun, see Wilford do the Beetis dance...

SHim

2007-09-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of actress Chloë Sevigny. To me she totally looks like a man here (other than the dress). I think I even see a five o'clock shadow!

Chloë is definitely a total "SHim" here. ("SHim" is a gender-neutral pronoun a friend of mine introduced me to for when you're just not sure if it's a he or a she you're looking at.)

SHims have been on my mind this week because I am currently addicted to the FX show Nip/Tuck. [spoiler alert] Just this week I saw the finale episode of Season 2, and it's all about the hot doctor finding out the hard way that a gorgeous woman is really a transgendered man. Ouch!

What do you think of Chloë's pic: She or SHim?

End Scene

2007-09-17T21:44:00.000-04:00

Theater. Theatre. Thee-ate-er. No matter how you say it or spell it, it's a play on a stage. I'm not a huge fan, but I honestly do accept its importance in the Arts. What I don't accept, however, and am truthfully fed up with is celebrities taking to the stage. Matthew Broderick, Julia Roberts, David Hasselhoff...the list is endless, and it's ALWAYS the same story...a celebrity under the impression that he/she has much more talent than actually exists, and somehow manages to sign on to a 6-week performance to fulfill "a lifelong dream." Blah blah blah...gag me. Please, make it stop!

Eyes Wide Shut

2007-09-08T23:37:00.000-04:00

I've noticed something about Melania Trump that kind of really annoys me. She never has her eyes open all the way (even when The Donald isn't around). I think she's just trying to strike a pose, but it bugs me. If I were Donald Trump, after I got a haircut I would offer her jewels, furs, or cold hard cash--whatever it takes to just open her damn eyes. This is an observation, one of those things I think about instead of global warming, world peace, or Britney Spears.

The Worst View in the World

2007-09-07T09:14:00.001-04:00

Deep Thoughts...by Reigning Frog

2007-09-06T10:27:00.000-04:00

Pavarotti had very bushy eyebrows. I wonder if he ever had them waxed... It's sad that he died. ...What's a tenor? I think I know, but am not totally sure. I should Google it...
Halle Barry is pregnant. I can't say that I really care...
Drew Barrymore is dating the Mac guy. Wasn't she just dating some Italian race car driver? ...The Mac guy kind of looks like someone I know, but he only owns PCs...
Someone told me that Glenn Close is cousins with Brooke Shields. I find that interesting. ...I should add The Blue Lagoon to my DVD collection...
Angelina Jolie sure carries her kids around a lot. ...Where's Shiloh?

I'm in love...

2007-09-05T10:24:00.000-04:00

...with Runny Honey Shower Gel from The Body Shop.

This is a highly recommended beauty product.

A Hashbrown is Forever

2007-08-18T23:29:00.001-04:00

I have previously posted my love for McDonald’s hash browns, and I’m doing it again because they are just that good. It occurred to me recently while I was feasting on this delicious crunchiness that the quality of a hashbrown, much like diamonds, can be measured by 4 C’s. But rather than cut, color, clarity and carat, the hashbrown’s 4 C’s are: Crunchiness, Cholesterol, Count and Comfort.

Crunchiness \kren-chē-nes\
noun
Calculated by the amount of time spent in the deep fryer, plus the the amount of time sitting under the french fry lamp, multiplied by the amount of time it takes for the McEmployee to put it in a take-out bag.

Cholesterol \ke-'les-te-rōl\
noun
Measured as the residual grease soaked up by the hashbrown while in the deep fryer.

Count \kaunt\
noun
Cannot be less than two per person unless accompanied by a breakfast sandwich.

Comfort \'kem(p)-fert\
transitive verb
The level of satisfaction received from each bite, measured in Mmm's.

To conclude, McDonald's hashbrowns are delicious. In my lifetime, I'm sure I will have spent at least two month's salary on them.

Was Hercules the inspiration for Mike Brady's perm?

2007-08-13T08:58:00.000-04:00

I spent some time in the Big Apple and snapped this pic at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's new Greek and Roman Exhibit. To me it seems obvious that the sculptor's interpretation of a virile, authoritative male was revived in the 1970's when Mike Brady's hair became so curly that it got its own dressing room and place in the credits.

Now let's take a moment to examine this work of art. Notice how his locks were individually carved, yet skillfully blend together, creating the helmet-like effect of a warrior (I'm talking about Mike). Take a moment to notice the detail... Can you imagine the countless hours it took to complete the piece? (Again, talking about Mike.) I think that by taking a moment observe the details, we can truly begin to understand why art is so precious.

Old School Telephone Numbers

2007-08-05T18:31:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, in a century far far away, a very smart man invented something called the "telephone machine." At first, like the later "mechanical television," naysayers said "It's a fad," and continued to use carrier pigeons. But eventually the telephone machine caught on, and is obviously here to stay.

Early telephone numbers were only five digits (unlike the standard ten of today). Words were used to identify the first two digits to help people remember the number. A famous example is the great Elizabeth Taylor movie, "BUtterfield 8." BU8, or 288, was a Manhattan exchange. I remember being so confused as a kid when my parents would recall their childhood phone numbers because this "BUtterfield" system was long-gone in the '80's. But I also felt like I had missed out on an important piece of useless history. So today I am reinventing the alpha-numeric phone number-- this time for area codes and with a pop culture twist. If you live in any of the following cities, check out my new way to say your area code.

Buffalo (716): "7, Sixteen Candles"
Cleveland (216): "21 Jumpstreet, 6"
Detroit (313): "thirtysomething, 3"
DC (202): "BOno, 2"
NYC (646): "6, HOosiers"
Houston (281): "28 Days, 1"
Boca Raton (954): "Nine to Five, 4"
Baton Rouge (225): "2, KAzaam"

Now it all makes sense

2007-07-24T16:48:00.000-04:00

Headline--

Brigitte Nielsen: I Feel Reborn After Rehab

"Special 'Guest' Stars" Aren't So Special Anymore

2007-07-23T12:38:00.000-04:00

“Special Guest Star” is a term that has completely changed its meaning over the last 15 years. It used to be that shows would bring in a high caliber celebrity as a “Special Guest Star” for an episode or two during sweeps week, or for a season premier or finale. But lately it seems like every show has a main character listed as a “Special Guest Star.” What’s up with that?

It all started with Heather Locklear on Melrose Place. Aaron Spelling brought her on board to save the show from poor ratings, and it worked. Six seasons later, not only was she still on the show, but she was one of the main characters, and she was still credited as “Special Guest Star.” I’m sorry, Heather, but you ceased being a “guest” when you moved into a balcony apartment with a view of the pool.

We saw this phenomenon happen again on 90210 when Luke Perry reprised his role as Dylan in 1998. He got the “Special Guest Star” label, but he was neither “special” nor a “guest;” he was just his regular old character.

Recently I discovered another “Special Guest Star” label gone awry while watching the new SoapNet show “General Hospital: Night Shift” (I don’t want to digress, so I’ll post about this awesome GH spin-off another time). Anyway, Billy Dee Williams is credited as the a “Special Guest Star.” He plays a janitor who offers his cool, sage wisdom as people ride in the elevator with him. My guess is he’ll be in every episode, making him neither “special” nor a “guest.”

Side story: While I was watching a TV show with “Special Guest Star” Billy Dee Williams, I was also doing a crossword puzzle in which Billy Dee Williams was one of the puzzle answers. What are the chances of that!?

Pame-Lulu Anderson Lee

2007-07-05T14:18:00.001-04:00

My dog Lulu gettin' it on with a couch cushion. The only thing missing is bad porn music.

Temporarily out of commission

2007-07-04T11:46:00.000-04:00

Got in a knife fight last night with a loaf of crusty sourdough bread. The bread won. I spent the evening in the ER, and unfortunately there were no doctors who looked like George Clooney or John Stamos. As far as wounds and ER visits go, this is no big deal. Three stitches, no nerve or tendon damage. My typing is seriously affected, though, I'm finding as I hunt and peck this message out. So please forgive any lack of postings that may result. Happy 4th of July! I'm going to watch the Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi now...

Timmy Toupe

2007-07-01T16:20:00.000-04:00

Saw a guy in a restaurant last night with a really bad toupe. It looked as natural as this:

BASTARDS!

2007-06-27T15:20:00.000-04:00

Why do you have to be so delicious, Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Hazelnut Creme Filled Pirouette Rolled Wafers!?

Book Review

2007-06-19T18:07:00.000-04:00

Don't Hassel the Hoff: The Autobiography

Don't read this unless you are stranded alone on a deserted island and it washes ashore after a typhoon and reading it would be the only thing keeping you from killing yourself, and you have a substitute for toilet paper.

Bunny Dog

2007-06-13T22:29:00.000-04:00

Veganism gone too far...

You know you've spent too much time on a computer when...

2007-06-10T12:50:00.000-04:00

...you have your hair up in a clip, then take the clip out because you think it will look better, then want the clip back in, and for one microsecond your brain says, "Just click 'undo'!"

Celebrity hobbies

2007-06-08T14:58:00.000-04:00

I heard something yesterday that made me laugh. Apparently Bob Barker, game show host extraordinaire, is a student of Karate, and has actually even trained with Chuck Norris. Ha! I guess you never know what some people are capable of. Well, it got me thinking...what kind of hobbies do other celebrities have? For instance, does Kevin Federline do the New York Times Sunday crossword in crayon? Maybe Suzanne Somers is an amateur extreme cage fighter. With so many celebrities, there must be some with hobbies other than trying to make it into the tabloids. I came up with some possibilities below.

Marilyn Manson, possible stamp collector?

Jack Nicholson, ornithologist between roles?

Martha Stewart, 250 average bowling score?

JLo, does she hit the bingo hall when she's back at The Block?

Sly Stallone, always trying to win Publisher's Clearing House?

I don't know for sure, but anything is possible. I do have it on good word that at least two other celebrities have unusual hobbies. Below you'll see David Hasselhoff with his Beanie Baby collection, and Wayne Newton knitting up a storm. Enjoy!

My commentary on Paris Hilton's release from prison due to an "undisclosed medical condition"

2007-06-07T11:55:00.000-04:00

5 Things I'm thankful for today

2007-06-05T14:15:00.000-04:00

1. That Baklava is still delicious 2 days after you buy it from a Greek festival.

2. Waking up to a beautiful rainfall (resulting in much cooler temperatures).

3. Caress Morrocan body wash.

4. The genius who thought of Netflix.

5. The fact that Sally Jessy Raphael is no longer on TV everyday.